


Barriss

by teadrinker



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Clone Wars, Episode: s05e02 The Wrong Jedi, F/F, Jedi, No Smut, Post-Order 66, Redemption, Star Wars - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 03:42:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5032432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teadrinker/pseuds/teadrinker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After waking up after the long nightmare that the past months have been for Barriss, she is faced with decisions she need to make. Does she want to live? Does she want to fight and what might be there worth fighting for when everything she believed into has fallen apart and the very people she tried to warn cast her out and called her a traitor?<br/>But the end might just as well be a new beginning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fate

**Author's Note:**

> Copyright:  
> Barriss Offee, Ahsoka Tano, Luminara Unduli and all the other Star Wars characters mentioned or appearing in the following story and Star Wars itself as well as anything involved with it are of course owned by none other than the Walt Disney Company. And I must say that I am not that unhappy about that since George Lucas can’t damage it any more now then he already did (*shakes fist at Episode I*). We will see of course how that will turn out in the long run.  
> The original characters that show up in the following story are of course mine (there are four that play a bigger role).
> 
> Rating:  
> It is rated M for general safety as well as for the tone of the story that might steer off into more serious things now and then. There also is swearing, some violence (including death and injury), and also one scene where you can very much assume that the people involved (two) are naked. But don’t worry, nothing gets described in unnecessary details as such things do not add anything to the story here (of course I am sorry, if you hoped that it would *winks*).
> 
> Foreword:  
> As for the story itself, I wrote it because I enjoy writing. And I must say that I am rather pleased with the outcome (otherwise I would not be posting it of course ;P ). So I hope anyone who will read it will enjoy it as well.  
> I put the focus of the story entirely on Barriss as her appearance in the Clone Wars cartoon quickly made her into one of my favourite Star Wars characters. She is smart and interesting and her character offer both development and tragedy. Even more so as her tragedy is directly tied to Ahsokas fate as well as the rather short future of the entire Jedi Order. This made me like her even more as her – rather misguided – actions showed her to be either smarter and/or or more insightful then the entire Jedi council. She understood what was happening better then all of the great Jedi masters combined. And she was also the only one who actually tried to prevent it from happening even accepting in the end that delivering her speech and reasoning she could only do at cost of her life. I guess post-traumatic stress played a big role in that, but it does not change the fact, that all her words in the court have been completely true and it was on the Jedi council to then go on and completely ignore her warning. No one ever listens to the Cassandra it seems. But that was her course after all.  
> It also allowed her to potentially live through the events of Order-66. But if she shows up as an Inquisitor in the Rebels show now, then I will be very sad because using her like that would be a waste of potential and not even remotely true to her character, motivations and actual abilities. And it would be just cruel too since she deserves at least some recognition for being the only Jedi who put two and two together and recognized the truth of what was going on during the Clone Wars.  
> The Clone Wars cartoon is also the biggest source of inspiration for this story. I always liked it even when I have to admit that I try to ignore the first three seasons for the most part. The show really needed some time to take off and reach the actually awesome level of quality it had in the end. Another thing that I choose to ignore is the discrepancy in Barriss' age. Because it really does not add up if she was on Geonosis in Episode II and then close to Ahsokas age in Clone Wars. At least it is not as bad as with Anakin who, from Episode II over the Clone Wars to Episode III seems to age and mature at different speeds then everyone else (or even age back as the Clone Wars Anakin seem older and more mature then he is in Episode III). But it is not like such things ever had to make much sense so I consider that a minor problem and don’t take it too seriously.  
> I am of course also a Barrisoka fan so that is another thing that I included in the following story. However Ahsoka personally does not appear in it, but this does not change any of Barriss’ feelings towards her. Especially the part about the pain she feels about what she has done in her moment of madness (even when it actually saved Ahsokas life in the long run).  
> But I digress and while I could write a lot about what I perceive as the possible forces driving Barriss’ actions and the motivations behind them – or anything else for that matter – I rather stop now and let you (hopefully) enjoy the story.
> 
> Since English is not my first language I also feel the need to apologize for accidentally butchering it. I tried my best, but please be merciful in case I made glaring and stupid mistakes.

Barriss last wish was to see the sky. It was a surprise to everyone when she asked for it since her guards and the officer in charge just assumed she would simply ignore their presence like she did mostly. The pathetic broken former Jedi knight now reduced to a state of inability to react to the outside world in any meaningful way. The girl who was always so smart and so promising and who become a terrorist who killed and who then, when she got the chance to explain why she has fallen so far, spoke the truth that no one wanted to believe into and that even then went on to be ignored and forgotten. The traitor who accepted her punishment and never denied the severity of her crimes, the one who turned her back on her closest friends and deceived even those who thought to knew her the best.

No one expected her to even speak up when the date of her execution was announced to her and the guards went through with the formalities. It has surprised them and it has surprised her as well. In the first days of her imprisonment she just waited for the execution, denying any request to see those who wanted to make her into some sort of martyr and an instrument in the destruction of the Jedi order or who thought that they would gain some sort of fame and recognition from defending someone like her, appealing the court decision not for her sake but for their own glory. None ever understood that everything she did was not because she wanted to destroy the Jedi order but because she wanted to help them get back to the true meaning of their own teachings. She did not see any other way at this point even when she knew how wrong it was. She was far too gone already at this point to be able to think about any other way to raise awareness about the dark path the Order has been going ever since the war started. She could still live with it and accept her punishment and maybe even think that she did the right thing in the long term. But when instead of her death she came to sense all the other Jedi being hunted down and murdered by the soldiers they trusted she understood that everything she ever believed into and tried to do failed.

From one day to another she lost everything, screaming at the walls and hitting them with her hands until she had to be restrained and sedated for her own good. She lost her mind on the same day the other Jedi lost their lives and only much later, remembering those dark times, understood what has happened to her.

On that day Barriss Offee stopped existing. She was replaced by a barely moving nearly catatonic shell that just looked like her, but wasn’t her any more on the inside. The same green-yellow skin, the same black hair and blue eyes, the same pattern of traditional Mirialan tattoos on her cheeks and hands, the same short, almost petite body but none of the mind. After her moment of brutal rage she went out like a candle. She was simply sitting there, living from one day to the next, observing everything through a fog of dreams and horrific visions that left her numb and silent. She was sitting alone in a dark cell while those she desperately tried to warn and made to turn back from their ruinous path continued to be hunted down and murdered throughout the galaxy. She would have clawed out her eyes and killed herself if not for her broken mind that proved unable to form any reaction to the violent ripples the great purge of the Jedi send through the universe. She knew that part of her was screaming in pain. She knew that all of her should react but she was falling apart more and more. Unable to bear the realization of what was going on and the part she played in it. She tried to stop what was going on. She tried to give her life to prevent what she has foreseen and she failed so badly that she became one of the things that hastened the death of her friends in giving the Emperor just one more excuse to sway even the last public support away from the Jedi.

But when the question about her last wish came, she woke up. She realized that she had been waking up and reassembling herself for some time now. She did not know when it started to all come back to her. She never remembered it fully but it must have been once the Emperor and his torturers gave up on her and left her alone. She could slowly regain the clarity of her mind and put the pieces of her personality back together. She would never be complete again but she still managed to regain her clarity to speak up.

And she was surprised that her wish was granted. She spoke up and asked, and they didn't know how to deal with it. If the Emperor still had any interest in her it would have been different, but so, granting her a last look at the sun, the clouds and the endless streams of ships and planetary vehicles passing through the sky above the planet wide city of Coruscant was simply a formality the officer in charge had no reason to deny. And no one interfered with the decision. No one who could intervene was caring about if she lived or died and she doubted that whatever kind of notice meant for the Emperors desk was ever read or even reached his hands. Why should he care? He has done it. He has reached his goal and she was just one more of his victims. And according to the records of the Republic turned Empire, she was dead already anyway.

She shivered when the doors of the elevator closed and the reflection in the blank steel caught her eye. She was thinner than before. Her black hair cut off and her arms thin and lacking the strength to lift the heavy cuffs holding her wrists together. She could not see the scars covering her body. No one could now. She always healed fast. The Force granted her an exceptional talent in healing others and even when she did not remembered doing it, she must have done it to herself on her own. But the scars in her mind would never go away. She would always feel them and she would remember everything the Emperor did to her. Each second of unbearable pain and each time he had her brought back from the brink of death so that he could do it all over again. This would always be present even if she could not remember much of anything else.

Barriss looked down, ignoring the guards and shrunk back into the comforting shell of her own mind. The only place all the pain and torture never managed to reach. The little zone of madness she fled into when the reality become too difficult to accept. But she could not linger there any more. She could not go back now. She was awake again and with each of the numbers changing as the elevator ascended the clarity in her mind become stronger. She became more focused and felt her-self waking up again. She knew it would never be the same again. She accepted it without hesitation. She would not need it long anyway. Tomorrow she would be dead and the Force would take what was left of her, spreading the atoms of her body and the thoughts in her head across the universe, putting them back into the great recycling process that formed every single object surrounding her. She smiled, but the emotion never reached her lips or any other part of her mask like face.

The clone soldiers around her did not suspect anything of what was going on in her mind. She felt it. She followed their bored emotions listened to some odd remarks made between them and felt the blood they had on their hands. She felt the Jedi who fought alongside the soldiers who then betrayed them without as much as a second thought. But unlike her, they had an excuse. They have been innocent because they have not been able to ignore the order they have been born to fulfil. No one suspected them to have been programmed with the secret order to turn on their allies. Not even them-selves and even now they proofed unable to really comprehend what they have been made to do. It was an order and those clones have been bread to follow orders without question of hesitation.

Once again her thoughts drifted to the Emperor. Once known as Sheev Palpatine, senator of Naboo. Once he was nothing more than a somehow friendly looking, maybe a bit eccentric, but respected politician and last Chancellor of the Republic who had the talent to make everyone feel at ease and quickly managed to gain every ones trust and support. He was known for his diplomatic skill, his endorsement of the arts and historical knowledge. He was also the brutal and manipulative lord of the Sith with the name of Darth Sidious who murdered millions and turned the Republic into a tyranny under the applause of his soon to be victims. 

She was not there when this happened but he himself told her about it. He laughed in her face while using his force lightning to torture her instead of all the Jedi that he wanted to. But those had the luck to die before his minions could catch them alive. He tried to turn her to the Dark Side of the Force then, to turn her on her friends and make her help him kill the last of them. And if not for her fractured mind, she knew that he would have been successful. She was the only Jedi in his hands he could pour all his hate and anger into until it was so bad, that she started screaming just when not only him, but anyone stepped through the door of her cell. Just like his very presence would bring unbearable pain to anyone close by. He tried to rebuild her into his image and into a mockery of everything she fought for and believed in. He tried to make her one of his minions. A tortured killer, filled with nothing but anger and a burning rage directed towards whatever her dark master would have pointed at. A slave to his will and a raging animal using all the intelligence and skill she possessed to make everyone she would have touched suffer just as she has suffered herself.

It was so tempting to just let go and let herself be swallowed by darkness. The struggle would end, the pain would be turned into the pain of others and she would still be alive. The Jedi have wronged her after all. They have proven to be weak and blind, unable to prevent their destruction. They have been replaced by a stronger force and whatever was left of their Order was there for her to take bloody revenge on. Her pain and her suffering was their fault. She would kill them all and then she would kill the Emperor.

The words echoed through her mind as she remembered them being said by the Emperor. She was too broken back then to understand their meaning but now she could feel their pull even stronger. She finally understood her nightmares and the images she has seen in the night, when she tossed herself around in the small bed in her cell. The darkness was there, whispering to her with words full of hatred and the desire for revenge towards everyone who hurt of wronged her.  
She reached out to the soldiers guarding her with her mind. Part of her was thinking that she could do it. Kill them and take their weapons. Flee and then come back to destroy what was hurting her. Become the exact thing the Emperor wanted her to be. She felt like a beast pacing back and forth in its cage waiting for even the slightest opportunity to lash out on everyone who comes near.

It was all part of her now, but it would not dictate her actions. She would not allow herself to be turned against the very ideas she always tried to uphold and protect. She closed her eyes feeling herself at peace again. The Emperor has failed in making her into his tool. She smiled without moving her lips again. She would soon be dead and then she would be free. Coming out of the complex hidden deep below the city for one last time and leaving the suffering and pain she felt radiating from it behind.  
Barriss lowered her head when the door opened and the guards pushed her forward and out onto the large open platform.  
She blinked and when the rays of the morning sun warmed her skin, the smile reached her lips for the first time in a very long time. Even the soldiers guarding her relaxed a bit. They did not said anything to her and only spoke a few words between each other but they seemed to have come to enjoy this unexpected break from guard duty. They even let her go a few steps further on the platform leaning to each other as they talked more through the communication systems in their helmets. If not for the heavy restrains on her weakened arms, it would have made Barriss almost forget what she went through and where she was, making her enjoy a moment of perfection before she would turn and go back into the elevator, accepting and embracing the inevitable fate awaiting her.

But she did not turn around. She stayed on the platform with her eyes closed feeling the city stretching around her. She could sense all the people living their lives trying to get by no matter what the forces driving the galaxy forward would throw in their way. She admired them, letting the gentle breeze move over her skin that almost lost its colour after all the months in the small dark cell. She asked herself about what they might have thought about what she declared in court or if they just shrugged it away turning their attention to more pressing and personal problems not caring about high politics and the reasons behind the war.

She remembered her day in court and could again see the masters of the Jedi Order looking down on her with their faces deep in sorrow and their minds full of questions, but at the same time failing to understand the words she was throwing at them. She thought that she understood them herself. She was not so sure any more not that the dark prophecy that was in them became reality:

"I did it. Because I've come to realize what many people in the Republic have come to realize, that the Jedi are the ones responsible for this War. That we've so lost our way that we have become villains in this conflict, that we are the ones that should be put on trial, all of us! And my attack on the Temple was an attack on what the Jedi have become: an army fighting for the dark side, fallen from the Light that we once held so dear. This Republic is failing! It's only a matter of time." She heard herself repeat the words in her mind. The speech she has prepared for so very long, revised up to the very last moment and then mostly improvised anyway. No one has expected however that the fall would come so soon.

Yoda, the greatest of the Jedi Masters proved to be so focused on trying to decipher the big picture of the ongoing war and the mystery behind the reappearance of the Sith that he become completely blinded towards what was right next to him. His ideals of peace and learning buried under his desire to pierce the veil of darkness the Dark Side has cast over the future of the Republic. And as his most prominent opposite, Master Mace Windu, who was warlike where Yoda was thoughtful and compassionate. It was him who she thought strayed away the furthest without even realizing what kind of toll the war was taking on those around him. It was him and others who thought alike that swayed the vote away from those who might have listened. She didn’t know that it was also him whose words drove her best friend, Ahsoka away from the order, robbing Ahsokas master of one of the last anchors that kept him from drifting into the embrace of the Dark Side. It was all her doing but at the same time it was an inevitable outcome of a process that started long before she ever started to have doubts about her and the orders role in the ongoing civil war raging throughout the galaxy. But none of them saw what has been happening right in front of their eyes. Even the brutal battle of Umbara and Master Pong Krells madness and fall was not enough to make the Jedi rethink their actions and positions.

She shuddered when the names of the man and the planet moved through her thoughts. No one who entered this unforgiving grinder of flesh, mind and metal that this one battle proved to be came out the same as they have been before. She was there too. It was her turning point. The moment she snapped and turned from one of the most promising young Jedi into someone who eventually would become a saboteur and terrorist. But unlike Master Krells descend into raging madness she still managed to hold on to the idea of maybe managing to save the Order. To force them to look into the mirror to see their own twisted image in it. She could once again feel the rage radiating around Anakin Skywalker when he apprehended her and wondered for a moment what would have happened if for some reason he would have slipped in their brief duel in the temple of the Jedi order. She asked herself how many might have, in their last moments, wished that this would have happened without realizing that in this outcome, it would now be her who lead the troops of the Emperor. She knew what become of him. The dark helmet and cape covering a monster made from flesh and metal. She saw him when the Emperor tortured her and could remember the rage that her fractured mind recognized as the same one she felt before. She knew that if she would have killed him, then it would be her standing there at the Emperors side. She would have fallen into the dark pit provided for her by Palpatine without any hope for or even the desire for redemption.

The memory of how she told Skywalker during their duel that red lightsabers would be suiting them. She did not expect this to turn out as a prophecy too.

Turing slightly she looked at the guards. It would be time for her to die soon. They would do it and she could not hate them for it. She felt pity and regret. They have been designed this way. A slave race everyone was so happy to have as cannon fodder for the war that no one ever questioned the ethics behind it. She turned again looking at the lights of the city around her. A few have, but their voices never managed to make everyone realize how absolutely immoral it was. How could a republic that banned the slave trade still present in the far off star systems outside of its direct control in the Outer Rim embrace it itself in such a hypocritical way? 

The clones moved. Her time was almost over and again she closed her eyes and smiled watching the faces of her friends and all the other Jedi appear in her mind and fade away again. The Force was still embracing her. Its flow was disturbed but it was still there and even if it would not be her, someone else will pick up the torch and carry the light in the times of darkness. She closed her eyes again and smiled, not minding the soldiers starting to move towards her. The embrace of the force was soothing and comforting. She looked at the face of her Master forming in her mind. Her composed and always respectful expression, her sense of humour and her great wisdom that failed her in the one crucial moment she needed it most. She lowered her eyes quietly asking her Master for forgiveness, sending her thoughts into the force, feeling that she too has passed on with all the others.

Everything moved like time itself would have slowed down, while her thoughts kept racing through her head, making her see and remember every little bit of her life once again. The good moments and the bad, the times of joy and those of sorrow and pain, the faces of those she loved and those she betrayed and killed, her friends as well as her enemies. She opened her eyes and with the last image of her best friend on her mind she started to run away from the surprised soldiers and towards the edge of the platform. She would be free. They would not kill her, they would not decide on her fate. The Emperor would not win.  
She grabbed the railing and puled herself over it with more strength then she thought she had. She heard the shouting behind her and the heavy boots of the soldiers chasing her. She felt their confusion but also their obedience to their orders. She forgave them as she jumped, sailing through the air feeling the weight of her memories and worries left behind and her heart free and open to the Force. Barriss was herself again. No worries and nothing but the image of Ahsoka smiling at her, forgiving her the betrayal, holding her in her arms making her feel safe and comfortable in an illusion of some perfect alternative universe:

“I love you … I always have …”

The impact came sooner then she thought.


	2. Forgiveness

Pain shot through Barriss mind, wrecking every image she still tried to hold on to during her fall. She hit something, bounced off and started to slide down over the walls sloped surface. Her smashed shoulder and left arm hanging uselessly on her body, her broken ribs digging into her lungs, making her nearly choke on her own blood.

But she was not dead yet.

The brief moment of surprised realization was only a very short interruption and soon she found herself falling again, further down into the seemingly endless abyss between the towers of the gargantuan city. She was not really sure where she was but the few bits she recognized made her think that it must be a part of the continent sized waste recycling plants such a big city as Coruscant needed.

Her last thought before the heavy, droid driven, service vehicle hit her mid-air was, that it would be somehow fitting for her to be processed with the rest of all the trash this world produced.  
“Barriss”

The name echoed through her mind. She heard it and realized that it was not the first time it was spoken, but just the first time she understood it.  
“Barriss”

It happened again. Her name spoken softly into the void surrounding her, sounding like it has been there, repeated for all eternity from the beginning of the universe throughout all the aeons it existed to be the last thing to fade into darkness once entropy claimed every atom and molecule left floating through what has once been a densely populated galaxy. She could see this end just as she could see the beginning. It was all in the Force and she embraced it just as it embraced her.  
“Barriss“

Once again the name was called out to her and in what felt like an eternity, the broken Jedi opened her eyes, finding herself in a world of blackness, lying on a perfectly plain, mirroring black crystal floor. It could not be real but it felt like it to Barriss. It was somewhere and nowhere, in her mind and not at the same time. And she was not alone there.  
“Barriss” 

She blinked slowly, trying to turn but finding herself unable to move. Not because of something holding her, but because her body was too injured and in too much pain to allow her to do anything:  
“Master …” she said weakly, blinking at the glowing presence of the one who thought her everything she knew and who was as close as a mother to her. She recognized the voice the moment she saw the glowing image of the Mirialan woman kneeling next to her. Her long black dress spread around her in a perfect circle that would have been totally impossible in reality:  
“Don’t try to speak, child.” The soothing words and the comforting presence of Luminara Unduli, her teacher, friend and Jedi Master made her cry:  
“Master … please, forgive me …” she tried again, feeling herself fading away from this place she could neither grasp nor understand.

The image of Luminara bowed down, gently placing her hands on her former Padawans cheeks, kissing her lightly on the forehead. The gentleness and affectionate movement made Barriss’ tears stop, instead filling her confused mind with all the memories and feelings she had about her Master that made her once again realize how close she has been to her.

“You do not need to ask for forgiveness.” Luminara continued in the same gentle and smoothing voice, “It is me who failed you.” She placed Barriss bloodied head on her lap, “I am and always was proud of you and it is me who failed to see the truth and who should have been at your side in your moments of doubt and suffering.”

Barriss felt the tears start to flow again over her cheeks as she listened unable to respond as more and more of her strength faded away.

“You should not despair even when you are wrong. You should not turn away even when you witness something horrible and you should never doubt in doing what is right.”, Luminara continued gently stroking Barriss’ head, “You learned this from me and I failed at it myself. I thought you to live by a code that was outdated and corrupted by a force it could not win against any more. I lived by it myself and I did not realise what it was doing to you.”

Once again Barriss tried to speak, but found herself silenced by her Master pulling her into a gentle embrace:  
“It is me who ask you for forgiveness, Barriss.” whispered Luminara, “You erred from your path, but no one is free of error the temptation of the Dark Side is present in every single one of us. It is part of us and it needs strength and an open and peaceful mind to turn away from it. It is the lessons our mistakes give us and the conclusions we take from them that decides on what kind of person we become.”

Barriss cried quietly forgiving her Master everything without speaking. She did not need to as she knew that Luminara could sense even the deepest of her thoughts and feelings. She could in turn sense the regret as well as the joy of holding her former Padawan student in her arms for one last time coming from Luminaras mind. She felt the peace as she become one with the force and the pictures of her own ordeal after being captured, imprisoned and executed by the Emperors restless minions. She felt the embrace tightening when she shared her own memories and sorrows with her Master, silently feeling a great weight being taken from her. She could open her mind fully to someone who understood and accepted her no matter what they saw inside. She could tell someone how close she was to become one of the Emperors minions herself. How she could still feel the presence of the Dark Side reaching out for her. How she felt herself to be tainted by it and beyond redemption. She was not alone and never would be.

“You still have a long way to go, Barriss.” Luminara kept her tightly in her arms.

“I don’t understand Master.” Barriss could not lift her hear, but in her mind she looked at Luminaras eyes. Both have been standing now, facing each other and holding their hands. Her body strong and healed and her mind focused just as it has been once. During the time she trained and learned under her Masters watchful eyes and patient guidance. Back when she still was the young Jedi everyone placed so much hope into, expecting her to once sit on the council of Masters herself.

She recognized the temple. The marks of battle gone, the blood and bodies vanished and the building once again filled with people who learned and lived in the belief to serve not only the greater good but the needs of every single individual as well. But it was not the same temple and it was not the faces she knew and remembered. Everything seemed different:

“Is this the future?” Barriss asked, the confusion clear in both her mind and voice, “Will the darkness pass?”

“It is a possible one, yes.” Luminara kept her eyes and attention on Barriss, “The Force is always in flow. It moves and changes constantly and it is influenced by the actions of every living being in every single moment.”

Barriss nodded quietly. She knew this all but right now felt like a child again, taking her first steps into a larger world.  
“It might take ten years, a hundred years or a thousand years but this darkness will not remain unchallenged.” Once again the two started to fade, but Luminaras voice remained strong in Barriss mind, “Where ever there is tyranny there will be rebellion. Where ever there is injustice there will be those who will stand up and fight against impossible odds to defend others and to regain their freedom and where ever there is despair and pain, there always will be hope and healing.”

Again Barriss found herself on the black crystal floor, being held in Luminaras arms. It was just as before but the pain was gone and Barriss managed to wrap her one still working arm around Luminaras body, holding on to her in what seemed like an eternity of silence. There was nothing left there to say. Nothing was important any more. Not as important as the last few moments before Luminara would fade away to follow all those into the Force that went before her.

“Trust the Force, Barriss, and follow your heart. Both will always guide you well.” Luminaras words once more cut through the mist that has fallen over her mind as the surrounding blackness started to give way to bright lights. She nodded thinking about all the moments in the past she wanted to thank her Master for. About the comfort and the knowledge offered and the goodbyes she never hoped for being able to tell but which she now could give and receive in a depth she did not thought possible. She felt and knew that this meeting with her Master would be the last one. But she did not spoke again. Luminara knew this just as well as Barriss did and both shared this moment of tranquillity in each other arms with the memory of their time together to comfort them.

Barriss sunk back to the smooth crystal floor looking into the bright light coming closer. The warm bright rays cast reflections on the floor; playing around her and making her feel like she would be floating around the stars. Her worries left behind, the faces of her friends vanishing from her mind and the pain going away, leaving her in perfect and undisturbed peace. She smiled, feeling clarity like never before:

“Trust the force and follow my heart.” She repeated the last advice Luminara has given her and pushed herself up on her one good arm. She knew she needed to go to the light. That was her path wherever it led her to. The Force called her and she instinctively knew that it was right. It was calling to her to become one with it. To give her-self over to it and to let everything go what still held her back. The pain, the despair and sorrow as well as the memories of who she has once been would stay behind. They would still be part of her, but they would not decide on who she would become. She was stronger than this:  
“Ahsoka...” She whispered into the light. Speaking this name alone made her pull herself forward again. It gave her strength and it gave her pain, making her heart beat faster in her chest and fill her mind with sadness. She wanted to see her one more time, apologize and ask for forgiveness just as she could do with her Master. Once again she could catch glimpses of possible futures. She could see herself rejected and crying, she could see herself in Ahsokas arms, sharing a kiss as only lovers can and she could see herself standing above her, wearing the Emperors uniform, pointing her two red light-sabres at her defeated friend. Her face twisted into a mask of cold rage and blind desire. She could see herself ignoring the feelings of attachment like it was expected from a true Jedi, rejecting her own happiness in order to remain free and unbiased in all matters and situations. She could not be this any more. She might have been more knowledgeable, better with the lightsaber and in the use of the Force, but Ahsoka has always been the better Jedi. Pure in her feelings, compassionate and welcoming towards everyone she met. Always caring for them and treating even the clones and droids as individuals with their own dreams and personalities. Always ready to act and unconditionally trusting her friends, never losing the faith she put into others. Too good to be in the order that has strayed so far away from what it was supposed to be.

Forgiving….

Barriss stopped for a moment, feeling a heavy weight on her shoulders. She shook her head knowing that this was something she could not expect from her friend. Not after what she did. She has betrayed her and burned all bridges behind her. There was no way back. But even accepting this, Barriss still wanted to at least offer her apologies and share everything that was in her. She still wanted to see her but Ahsoka did not appear.

And the certainty with which she knew, that her Master was dead was missing too.

A few tears started to roll down Barriss’ cheeks again. Ahsoka could still be alive. She could have had the chance to flee. It made sense now that the Emperor asked for her and the possible hiding spots she and other Jedi might have went to. She would be a danger to the Emperor since she could turn the monster he made out of Anakin Skywalker away from him again. She knew that their friendship could prove to be stronger than the Dark Sides promises.

She laughed and cried at the same time, still crawling towards the light, wondering if Ahsoka knew what become of her Master and at the same time wishing she would not. Because if she would, she would try to save him and be captured, tortured and killed before the Emperor would ever allow to her to reach him. Maybe even by her own hand as she has seen in some of the visions the Force has shown her before. But that was only one possibility and maybe if they would meet like this, then Ahsoka would still be able save her too. Force her way through the corruption and call her back from the dark. Maybe she would win the fight that still loomed over her as one of the thousands of possible futures spread before her. Maybe she would kill her.  
Barriss looked into the light with new hope filling her heart. Maybe the minions of the Emperor have not found her. Maybe she left in time and went into hiding, maybe her betrayal gave Ahsoka the chance to flee. Maybe she would hate her for the rest of her live, cursing her name and blaming her for all that happened but she would live. That was a thought Barriss decided she could both live and die with happily. Willingly sacrificing her memory, her legacy and her love if this meant that the one she kept in her heart would live. She smiled ignoring the fact that she might be wrong. She felt that she wasn’t. She closed her eyes and let herself fall, floating through the floor and into the light, feeling pieces of herself vanishing and spreading out, joining the force in its flow and merging with her again. Renewed, changed, cleansed and still the same as before. Her body fell, spinning and turning towards whatever the light hold for her. Towards the shapes in it, towards the strange sounds calling to her from afar and to the soothing sensation of timeless blackness that again encased her in its comforting embrace.  
Whatever the future would bring, she was determined not to fail her Master again. She would not fail herself and she would not let the Emperor win.

She smiled when everything faded away.


	3. Pain

Barriss started to cry when she opened her eyes seeing an imperial officer standing next to the bed she was in. She tried to move and scream not wanting for her ordeal to start all over again. It could not be. The Emperor could not have had her brought back again. She could not face failure again. She could not let the Emperor win while knowing that if she would ever fall her into his hands again, he would.

But the moment of panic vanished as fast as it came. There was something different here. She was neither in her cell nor in the prisons medical room. She was not being dragged back into the torture chambers and even when she could not move, she knew instinctively that she was not restrained. The man looking down at her was not one of the torturers, but his face was somehow familiar. She has seen him before but it must have been during the time when her mind was too fractured to understand or grasp what was going on around her.

She did not know when she lost consciousness but when she opened her eyes, the man was there once again. He looked worn and even in her current state she could tell how tired and mentally exhausted he was.

“Don’t try to move.” He looked down at her, “You are healing fast and well, but the damage was too extensive and I had to compromise in the treatment.”

He was tall and while he was heavy in build, Barriss still thought of him as looking frail, like something heavy would weight down on his shoulders slowly eating away on the very essence of his existence. She could pick up the emotions streaming from him: Agony, anger and loss. She was too weak to do anything but she still sensed that he was in more pain then she was.

“Just stay still and let me get you back on your feet.” He said to her in the unmistakable tone of someone who still thought she would be the same sort of unresponsive shell she has been in the prison, “Do as I say and you will be out of the bed soon enough.”  
She wanted to nod, showing that she understood but found that even trying to focus her eyes on him was too much of a struggle. But she could still feel the hate towards everyone and the deep want for revenge against a world in every single piece of his mind. She could see the barely restrained rage and the blind desire to lash out at the world that changed and slipped away from under his control, leaving him with nothing but the lust for revenge. She could not tell what it was, but in her mind the man was the twisted shadow of whatever he has been once. She saw a violent, angry monster that replaced the man she could still glimpse hiding behind the rage and who once must have been capable of love and compassion. He was like the images she has seen of her own possible futures and what she would become herself if she would give in into the fear and hate stirring in her own soul.

“A bathtub is not a real bacta tank, but I had to take what I got and it worked well enough.” She heard him say once in one of the moments she managed to stay awake for more than a few moments, “But I read your file. They gave it to me so I would know how to treat whatever they have been doing to you. I am sure we could easily have some nice long conversations about it.” He sighted watching her arm twitch as she tried to move it, “From one failed healer to another.” The words almost spit at her with a wave of anger she felt he directed towards himself as much as her and the world in general.

She felt pity for him while drifting off into heavy, dreamless sleep.

When she woke up the next time it was dark, with the only light coming from the medical droid standing nearby. She has not noticed it before but she was not sure how much of what she thought to have seen or heard was a dream or real. But the droid seemed real to her. She looked to it and tried to smile. The droid just blinked at her seemingly unable to make any other replay. Barriss recognized it as one of the newer military grade droids capable of the most advanced surgeries and medical care. Normally they could speak, but for some reason this one apparently could not.

She tried to raise her hand, feeling the heavy cast wrapped around her left shoulder and the brace holding her smashed arm together. She could not move her legs either only having the faint sensation of twitching her toes and a dull pain radiating along her back. The droid gave her some water to drink, before gently pushing her arm down again and adjusting the flow of the drugs into her body. The pain once again stopped and she felt herself falling asleep again.

When she woke up for the next time, the man was there too:  
“I have no idea how you still can be alive.” The hostile snarl was barely hidden in his voice. Barriss could sense that he has drunk too much. She did not even have to reach out to him with the Force. She could see and smell it even when he was sitting in an old chair he must have dragged into the room on one of the previous days. 

“You smashed your left arm and shoulder, broke almost all ribs, fractured your spine, your skull and nearly had your lungs torn apart, aside from all the other injuries that I am now forgetting about.” He gestured towards her with the bottle he still had in his hand, “And you are still alive and given time and that stupid droid there, there will not be one damn scar left on you.”  
She raised her hand in response but the man just forced himself to his feet and left the room, leaving her alone. The droid just looked at her, slowly blinking with its pale eyes.

It took three more days for her to be able to sit up. The man rarely spoke during this time and she never asked anything. But she still learned a few things and recognized him finally too. He was in the prison with her. But he was not another prisoner. He was the one who was bringing her back to life when the Emperors torturers thought of having her body restored after nearly killing her again. She met him not long after being moved into the Emperor new special prison he must have already prepared for the time of his final take over. She suspected later that he thought that he would have more Jedi to torture but at that time, she was breaking apart and things all become one long blur of pain and screaming.

She could not tell how much the man felt back then but the anger she sensed in him now made her understand that even when he was not sensitive to the Force, the Emperor still made him into his raging puppet. He used whatever pain the man felt to make him do his bidding and take part in things the man would never even have considered in his time as a doctor.

He never told her all of it, but he said enough for her to realize that just as she did, he also understood that the Republic was falling and that the Jedi stopped being the keepers of peace and instead become a military force driven by the very forces they have sworn to fight against. And he needed someone to blame when his wife and son died in the crossfire. And the Emperor provided him the cause and target for his revenge. And the man more than willingly accepted this offer.

But his revenge did not bring him salvation. She could see that he realized what kind of monster he has become and she could see that he hated himself for it. The alcohol helping him to drive the images of his dead family away that have been haunting him more with every day he spend working in the hidden prison.

“You got lucky that this service droid hit you mid-air or I would have never been able to find you in time.” He told her a few days after she started to manage to stay awake for a few hours at a time, “They think you are dead. I made them find enough of you to make them be happy. They have no idea that they burned an empty coffin.“ He chuckled darkly, falling heavily into his chair again, “I had it all prepared from the first moment I got told that you are still alive and in that damn hole of a torture chamber for political prisoners the ass-hole set up and in the end … I had to improvise. And I knew that whatever I thought of doing it was all useless and stupid and would never have worked.”

Barriss looked at her left arm. It was free of the cast now and she could move it. Opening and closing her fist as he spoke, feeling the synthetic muscles move under her newly grown skin. She knew it was the same in the shoulder, parts of her chest and neck as well as her spine. Synthetic muscles and bones wrapped in cloned tissue and skin. At least for part of her treatment he must have used the prisons own facilities despite the danger it represented. And the only reason for that place to ever have such facilities could only be to rebuild the Emperors freshly recruited minions into whatever half-mechanical monstrosity he wanted them to be. Now pieces of the same technology were in her body too and it was not the only difference she noticed.

The shape of her nose and eyebrows changed slightly she noticed, once she could finally hold a mirror and see herself in it. She was still thin and weak looking and the changes to her nose made her tattoos look a bit stretched and distorted. It did not looked that different to her, but anyone who only saw pictures or videos of her would be fooled easily. When she asked the droid if this was intentional of just the result of whatever facial injuries she suffered, it just beeped quietly not providing any answers. She never asked the man, just as she never asked for his name.

“I know it was him.” The man continued in his longest drink induced speech so far, “No one will hear it and I will be killed if I say it, but I know it was him who started the war. He always knew where the separatists have been hiding and just killed them off when it became convenient for him to end the war on his terms. I have heard and seen enough down there to know that it was all his fault … and I will not let him win.”

He was angry on this day and ended sleeping on the chair. The droid took the bottle away when it started to slip out of his fingers.  
Barriss stayed awake watching him. His revenge was tearing him up and visible destroyed him as it destroyed everyone who went down this path. As much as he blamed the Jedi for the war and for what it cost him, as much he blamed the Emperor for what he has become. And Barriss felt how much he needed someone to blame now. He could not function any more without the rage burning in him, and eating away on the last bits of conscientious he still carried in his soul. He was what she would have been become if the Emperor succeeded in his task of making her into one of his pet monsters to be send out to hunt down and kill everyone who dared to stay in the way of the new Empire. She could see all the possible futures again reflected in his drunken speech and the conflicted feelings streaming out of him. And she could feel how desperately he wanted to leave this darkness behind and how much he wanted to ask for forgiveness. It was still in him, represented through the image of his wife he did not dare to look at. Not because of her rejection but because he knew that she would still love him and that he did not believed to be worth any such kindness now. He could not let go of his revenge and the only way he could have it was by making sure that she lives and that at least there is one more Jedi to survive and to escape the Emperors attempts to eradicate all of them. His plans would have failed.

Barriss reached out into the man's feelings, she could see this one faint glimmer of hope hidden under the rage. He himself could not see it. It was too weak and too well hidden to force its way past the desire for revenge. But she knew what was inside of him and that the darkness would never fully claim him.

Each time he drank too much, he talked with her and each time he talked, Barriss listened giving him the opportunity to speak his mind and to open himself, letting all the feelings out he kept bottled up during his work. He told her about other prisoners then. Former officers and senators of the Republic, journalists, artists and people sensitive to the Force like her, that the Emperor was moulding into his special Inquisitors and most brutal and efficient servants. About dissidents and people who failed in tasks the Emperor handed out to them. He told her about all the people kept there to be brainwashed and forced into his service and who way too often gave in quickly and willingly. Remembering what she went through herself, Barriss did not blame them. She saw herself between them and later as the one leading the Empires Inquisitors right under Darth Vaders command. She was more than powerful enough for it. Stronger than them and a rival to Vaders position itself. She has seen herself being used by the Emperor as a way to keep his dark apprentice in check, making both constantly struggle for the one position available at the top; His strength and ruthless fury against her cold blooded intelligence and skill. She even became the ill-fated Empress of a crumbling Empire in a few of the possible futures she has seen and wondered what her Sith name would have been, while the man continued his tales.  
He told her about the guards and the clones too. Who even despite their programming broke under the strain of their daily brutal tasks. They still followed orders, but turned into droid like shells that only ever did what they got told and spend the rest of their days staring at a wall or obsessively cleaning their armour and weapons. The Emperors followers on the other hand grew more brutal and stronger with every day. They never cared for the clones, each other or the prisoners. They just let others die once they stopped being useful. And they kept looking for every sign of weakness in each other. Like for signs of the battle raging in his mind that he knew has already marked him as one to be arrested and disposed of rather sooner than later. He was becoming a liability and had more trouble every day hiding it.

Eventually he brought her a small hand terminal she could use to read the latest news and catch up on galactic affairs. She looked for the names of the Jedi she remembered. For various Senators she knew, who where powerful enough to resist the Emperor and his grab for power and who could gather enough support in the senate to challenge his rule or at least his political decisions. But the news said that both Bail Organa and Padme Amidala have been gone for some time now. Organa fled to his home world of Alderaan knowing that he would be one of the first to suffer unfortunate accidents and Amidala was reported to be dead. Murdered by the Jedi master Obi Wan Kenobi in the alleged coup the Jedi staged against the senate. She knew that it was not true. She could not find out much more about the Jedi however. Only a few names of those whose deaths happened in more public places and lists on sites dedicated to conspiracy theories and on those that still expressed opinions of support and dissent and that have not yet been taken down by the Empire. Or that have been kept online by its secret police just to infiltrate any resistance before it forms itself. Neither of the sources she found very trustworthy. It was mostly speculation and she knew that despite the Empires claims, some Jedi must have survived. Otherwise some of the questions she got asked by her torturers would not make sense. If she could remember them more clearly, she thought she could maybe guess who of the Masters got away, but too much of it was still lost to her. Something she did not found to be a bad thing in her current situation. Dealing with it was something she hoped for would come when she felt stronger again.

But looking through the news, Barriss found herself shocked to see how much public support the Empire was getting. It was like people accepted everything and forsake all freedom and democracy for the blind believe into the security and stability the Emperor promised. His glaring lies obvious and revealed for everyone to see and ignored at the same time by the masses that gathered to cheer and applaud his rise to power. By masses that let themselves be deceived too easily and forget that even the mightiest of the Sith lords could not do anything against the combined voices of those he would try to rule over.

Barriss closed her eyes for a moment. She knew where this line of thought would lead her to. She could feel the darkness that has awakened in her moving its ugly head again. It was so easy to hate. So easy to forget that almost everyone lost someone they loved in this war and that after all those years of conflict people just wanted to get on with their lives. It was easy to forget how well the propaganda machine of the Emperor worked and how little the average citizen in the countless levels of the city of Coruscant knew about the forces that shaped the course of the galaxy. She opened her eyes again forcing herself to read on, scrolling over the articles she knew would make her blood boil again. But she would not hate. She would not forgive either. Not those who took the combined hopes of the people on countless worlds across the galaxy and turned them into a tool to justify their oppression. Their greed and lust for power obvious and so easily manipulated by the Emperor.

It was a week later that she started to be able to stand on her own again and even begun some light training. Her time was starting to run out too, with the secret police the Empire now actively looking into the doctors activities. The droid has readjusted her tattoos too finally, making the last signs of the surgery disappear. She had their pattern changed slightly too to further disguise her identity. She considered if she should have all the tattoos removed but she did not wanted to leave the memories attached to them behind. Each Mirialan had their own patterns and symbols and each of them was made to signify something important or special achievements. And the changes she let the droid do would now be her own secret way to honour this tradition. She could get something more proper later.

“I got this for you. It does not work and don’t ask who it might have belonged to.” The man put a small bag on the table while tuning and starting to unpack the food and other things he brought with him, storing the boxes with the explosives in a smaller room next to the kitchen area. Barriss knew what he would need those for already but remained silent. She would help him with it too:  
“Thank you.” She opened the bag and took the lightsaber out of it “I don't know who it belonged to either.” she lied seeing a young Twi'lek in her mind. It was a boy several years younger than her-self being shot down by a steadily advancing line of clone soldiers. His technique in deflecting blaster bolts proving not being good enough to deal with a real threat yet, “It is a training sabre used in the advanced classes. It is damaged but repairable.”

“So not a real one?” he asked without turning to her “Some people try to collect those as trophies but the Emperor want them all gathered and destroyed.”

He left her without waiting for her to say anything more. He was not needed there any more. She knew what she had to do and sat down to build the trigger mechanism. It would be a crude and simple one after a manual found on the data networks. She could do better but it had to look like he made it. It did not needed to be anything special or complicated. It just needed to function. There was not much else she could do in order to repay him for healing her.

She left once she was done and did not look back. Not even when she heard the explosion, tearing the building and the surrounding corridors apart and destroying every bit of evidence that she was still alive. She knew what the man wanted to do this long before he told her so himself. It was the only possibility on how she could remain secret and he could escape the Emperors police. She left him the trigger on the kitchen table making sure that to anyone investigating it, it would look like the man attempted to build a bomb to attack the prison he worked in. There were even several fake copies of suicide notes to be found once the investigating officers would open his personal files stored on the data networks. They had no reason to assume anything else but what she left them as clues.

Barriss sighted as she tightened the short black jacket around her shoulders. She was becoming way too good with bombs and this sort of thinking. The only thing she took with her besides the items and money he gave her was the memory chip of the droid. There was no need for it to die too.


	4. Survival

Barriss tightened the straps of the small backpack and let her long black hair fall behind her on her back, having bound it into a simple ponytail promising her-self to get a proper haircut soon. But for now it worked and made her look like the refugee she wished to appear as. She resisted the urge to put up the hood on her jacket or wear a cloak of any sort as well. No one would recognize her anyway and hooded figures always seemed more suspicious then people just looking like everyone else. It was easier to blend in this way and she could just pretend to be a normal young woman who made her way to the giant melting pot of Coruscant with nothing more than some money in her pocket and the few things she could put into her backpack.  
It was enough for the start. The training and knowledge she possessed would help with the rest. She was on her own now and found herself enjoying the seemingly endless walk along the tunnels and walkways that brought her from the industrial district the doctor had his hidden clinic in to more populated areas. She needed longer than necessary but did not know the exact way and also wanted to make sure that no one would see her walking away from an area where the blast had happened. It would have quickly attracted attention and the police and fire department would be all over it quickly. She could hear their sirens in the distance but she was not anywhere near the place when they arrived, slipping away into the tunnels and then hiding between the countless war refugees and homeless and poor citizens that lived in the lower levels of the city. Down in the belly of the city the authorities only appeared as heavily armed patrols and combat teams dispatched on missions to show force or to arrest someone who become too much of a problem. The gangs, dealers, smugglers and thieves have been always mostly left alone, turning the lower level of the city that was the very centre of the galaxy into a world of its own. She could hide in this world but she would not find support as even when no one trusted the city authorities here, they all knew that the secret police would pay handsomely for any information about the Empires enemies and possessed many methods to ensure cooperation as well. And if they would know that she was still alive, she was sure they would tear the place apart in order to find her.

She watched a police drop-ship fly overhead at high speed but without its warning lights blinking. Another one shortly after but both seemed to be on simple patrol flights through the big corridors connecting the different levels of the city together or coming back from whatever mission they have been send to. She passed people and droids, open shops and warehouses, quickly set up houses made of scrap metal and buildings, closely hugging the giant pipes that formed the network that kept the entire city alive. The constant rumble of materials, fluids and waste being moved through them mixed with the other sounds of the never sleeping city making her think of some living organism, always on the brink of collapse, but still moving on and clinging to life, knowing that one misstep would mean the death of thousands if not millions of people. During the war, the population of Coruscant increased dramatically but with every bit of the planet already covered in buildings, the only way left was up or down. Those with money and connections moved up. The rest descended deeper towards the forgotten surface of the planet and then below it.

She walked on thinking about how Ahsoka felt when she had to flee after being pursued by the Jedi Order and the Republic. When she herself set up and guided the one she loved into a trap so she could further her goal of showing the Order what it has become. She felt her heart sink again thinking back to this and remembering the last look she shared with her. She would never be forgiven and wasn't even sure if she could explain it in any meaningful way. She could blame it all on the Dark Side guiding her actions but that would not be the full truth. She was still convinced that she was right but the more she thought back, the more ashamed she grew about herself. This was not the way she should have done this. She should have talked more, both with her Master and with Ahsoka and not jumping to such drastic conclusions as she did instead. Even when her screams for help and the damage done to the Order went ignored for so long. She shook her head, looking forward into the great hall that opened in front of her. She could not full condemn herself. She tried something to save the Order and that was more than the entire Jedi Council did combined. It was wrong and misguided what she did and she could never take it back again, but she did it for the right reason.  
Barriss walked down the stairs, joining the stream of people moving towards whatever goal they want to reach and smiled once more.

Doing the wrong things for the right reasons, she thought. The first steps into the Dark Side, making her do things without thinking them through and deluding herself into believing that she could do everything herself. Destroying everything she loved and cared for without even realizing it until it would be too late. But even then she turned back from the Dark. She felt that she never did anything for selfish reasons.

She looked around, leaving the busy corridor for a less crowded walkway, that lead her deeper into the city. She was ready to die and expected to die to save the Order and everyone she now walked past who would never know of her motives or who would ever remember her name. She could hold on to this thought if she would not have already realized that it was a delusion too. She has fallen. There was nothing to deny it and accepting it would be the first step on her way to build herself up again. And maybe someday she could get the chance to make Ahsoka to understand this too. She would not ask for forgiveness, she decided watching herself kneeling in front of the one she felt her heart belonged to in another vision. Explaining everything and accepting whatever answer she would be given and then leaving to cry on her own. 

Barriss walked on past workers on a break. She noticed the interest they had in her figure but did nothing to show this, ignoring the whistles, words and feelings behind her. There were other things on her mind. She passed some drug dealers, declining their offers and two police officers exchanging obviously friendly words with a small group of prostitutes. People sitting in front of bars, pushing each other while others either watched or tried to calm them down and people just going after their own business. A normal night in the city that was mostly known for the great towers and the big decisions taken in the senate but where most people lived in dark tunnels where facing the local thugs would always be of more importance then some war on another planet or some economical dispute between star systems. Down in the corridors it was the world of bounty hunters and gangs. Smaller and bigger criminal organisations and wide spread corruption, with the police having long time ago arranged itself with the realities of life in the tunnels.

Barriss stopped briefly at a wall with a series of armoured screens displaying the latest bounties and other news of the local police information services. Small time thugs, smugglers and some marked as members of various crime syndicates or pirate groups. Nothing political and no face she would recognize. She moved on under the watchful eyes of a few people lingering with their own hand terminals close by in a nearby bar. Their look, armour and weapons clearly signalling their profession and their silent alertness as their trade would soon find itself in high demand, once the Emperor would tighten his grip on the galaxy and the lists of the people he would want arrested grew longer. They seemed to sense it too, gathering in greater numbers like crows before a battle. 

She could most likely easily kill every single one of them if they decided to come after her. There would only be a few between them who could match her even when she did not have her sabre with her. The spark of the Dark Side made her feel like a predator stalking through a new hunting ground, too strong to care for the competition. She could rule this all easily, force her will on others and make them all do her bidding. She could show them their place and remake them into the army she would need to get her revenge. She smiled slightly, letting the thoughts of the Dark Side run their course. They came and went while she walked on. Even when she would want to act on them, she was not strong enough to do it and too smart to try it.  
It had not been the bounty hunters she sensed where following her. Instead it had been two of the workers she passed some time ago, walking after her in some distance and only closing in, once she passed the more populated streets. She could again sense their eyes moving over her slim figure and the thoughts about her being some refugee no one would care about that much or listen to. She could sense their feelings. Their intent was clear to her and the violence in their minds obvious. For a moment she considered to run or to try to hide somewhere, but they knew the area much better than her and would catch up easily unless she resorted to abilities she did not wanted to display publicly. She lacked her former endurance too and running for too long would be exhausting and attract possible attention. Especially from the police and she did not wanted to risk them being able to check DNA records and the Empire still having hers in the data-bank.

“Hey!” one of them called after her, “Stop for a moment, we want to talk.”

She considered turning around and trying to run past them, back to the place with the bounty hunters. There was always the probability of finding one who retained a sense of right and wrong, but she did not wanted to count on that. So she stopped instead, turning around just like they wanted while taking her environment in, judging all possible ways she could use it to her advantage. She faced two men, both of them bigger and physically obviously stronger than her with longer arms that would give them a big advantage over her short and almost petite body. But she was an experienced fighter and veteran of more battles then anyone her age should be. She knew how it feels to kill, they did not.  
Even in her weakened state, the outcome was inevitable.

She broke the first man’s arm when he tried to push her back against the wall. She dove under his outstretched arm before it would hit her, blocking its movement with one hand while striking against the elbow before using his own weight and movement to make him fall against the wall behind her. Her movement was way too quick for either of them to react to and her strike too precise not to cause the maximum of damage. He screamed out and went down when she kicked the side of his right leg, breaking his knee and moving towards his surprised partner before the first body has fallen to the ground. She was more offensive then her usual fighting style as she always preferred Soresu, a defensive style that relied on avoiding being hit and defending until the opponent made a mistake or got tired. She could wear them down or even argue with her opponents while fighting but that was a style meant to be used with a lightsaber and neither of those two was even remotely fast enough to attack her in a way that would force her to actually defend herself. It was the perfect fighting style to exploit her outstanding acrobatic ability and the natural flexibility of her body. And she trained it not as sport or fitness training but with actual potentially lethal combat in mind.

But she still lacked her full strength, speed and endurance. It was painfully clear to her how out of shape she was when she moved against her second target, who tried to reach under his jacket to retrieve whatever weapon he had hidden there. Not a gun, Barriss thought, she would have recognized the bulge under his jacket so it could be a knife. But she did not left the man any chance to get it and kicked into his stomach with enough strength to make him fold in two and sinking to his knees with a painful whimper. The small knife he tried to take out falling harmlessly to the ground. He was coughing and struggling when she brought him down with a second kick right to the face, that send him on his back. She turned quickly, leaving him on the ground with his face bloodied and his nose smashed. Both of her attackers would live and she hoped that neither would really be willing to tell what happened. People like that always feared the humiliation of being taken down like this by a unlikely target like a short Mirialan girl. She counted on that while hoping that maybe they would take it as a lesson as well. She did not seen it as likely however even when she knew that learning quickly was a necessarily of survival in a world like the one both the men behind her and she were living in.

They had to learn their lessons while she had hers.

With the one about how to survive while never revealing her connection to the Force and the abilities that came with it, being the most important one. But it came so easy to her to cause injury and the quick violence felt liberating in face of the thoughts that have been running thought her head before. She felt the instincts kick in even before the fight started. Her training was there and she used every bit of it without thinking or letting herself be held back by the same moral code she accused the Jedi Order to have lost. She could have subdued them without so much injury, but did not do it. She sighted quietly while walking on, directing herself to the next shaft of public elevators she could see. She could give in to those feelings and survive easier but she knew all too well where the easy way would lead her too.

The easy way was not the one she wanted to take.


	5. Comfort

Once she felt safe to do so, Barriss stopped to clean the blood of her boot and get something to drink. She needed a moment to calm down again. The short fight tasked her more than is should have but she was out of shape and did not have the opportunity to train as much as she would have liked to. But there was no other way and she would need to find some hiding place to both get back to strength and to figure out what to do next. She had no real plan and even when she had some faint idea of finding a way to harm the Empire, she was sure that doing it on her own would be suicide and of no real significance in the long run. Unless she would try to kill the Emperor himself but getting anywhere near would be something she considered impossible. And Vader as well as a good number of high ranking officials would need to be taken out of the picture too or they would just size power and the civil war would start again.

Barriss stopped for a moment, looking down to the level of the city as she ascended on a big open elevator platform. She was thinking like a terrorist again. Part of her wanted to lash out again but other than before, the rational part of her won. She would act with a plan, once she would be able to decide what the plan would be. She could just as well go into hiding too and make sure that all the Jedi knowledge was being kept safe in her head to be ready for whenever the time would come to pass it on to the next generation. Provided she would be ever allowed to do so, but looking up to the buildings above her, she swore herself that the Jedi would not die with her.

She stepped out on the new level of the city, following the stream of people into a more lively area with more commercial activity. She found more Imperial propaganda posters here too and big screens where the newest information got displayed. She caught pictures of Tarkin and some other admirals and generals, speaking of restoring order and presiding over troop parades or visiting the still functioning, but utterly impotent senate. But she could not see many listening or paying attention.

It was after she left the main street that she found the small tattoo parlour that had a job listing flickering over the advertisement screen in its window. She was not interested in it, but at this point she was tired and really needed a place to sit down. And the red skinned Zeltron woman she could see behind the counter seemed like she would know a few things about the area and maybe point her somewhere she could rent a room. The night was already turning into early morning and she decided that she could not go on much further. She needed a bed, food and money as well as some sort of official papers that would bring her past any police checkpoint she might encounter on the higher levels, where the poor and the rich parts of the city would be more likely to meet and the security would be tighter. She went into the shop just to talk and maybe rest a moment while considering getting additional tattoos on the new skin covering her left arm and shoulder to signify the memory of what has happened so far, the changes she went through and the special people she met, as it was Mirialan custom.

She then stayed for two months.

It was a sudden and welcomed change of pace. The moment she sat down in the chair she realized how lost she actually was. She had nowhere to go and no friends left to contact. She knew that some Jedi must have survived but if they would ever want to talk with her even if she could find them was another question. Making them believe she actually escaped would have been hard she really had no way to convince them that she has not fallen to the Dark Side. Everyone believed it already anyway. To some extent she agreed with them, smiling slightly at the familiar sting of the laser needle on her skin. She thought about Ahsoka too. She would never see her again and even if, she would not expect to be forgiven.

“So, that is done, and don’t try to give me money.” The woman, having introduced herself as Danni told her with a bright smile, “I like you, so that is on the house.”

“Thank you.” Barriss smiled back, turning her head to look at more of the rhombi forming a small cluster on her shoulder, “You really don’t have to. I have the money.”

Danni waved her hand, leaning back on her chair while carefully cleaning and packing her equipment, “As I said, I like you and since I am a good judge of character and you my dear, I see that you are all sweet and will not need to sleep in some shabby, cheap and bug infested motel where you either will be mugged or catch something nasty. My couch is yours until you can find something of your own.”

The generosity surprised Barriss, but she had to admit that it was nice to talk with Danni and that she really appreciated the offer. She did not had the money to rent anything but the sort of room Danni described so possibly having a couch to sleep on for a few nights was something she considered to be a miracle.

Danni was a few years older and taller than her, with long dark hair and the usual lean and fit looking body most Zeltrons shared. And she liked to laugh and never hold back with her thoughts and feelings while never demanding answers either, accepting Barriss’ tale of being a war refugee as well as the name she gave her without question. Barriss decided to call herself Aliya for now and Danni didn’t seem to pick up on any lies or simply decided not to care, accepting that in Barriss’ case the lack of any specifics was due to whatever horror she went through during the war. That at least was the truth Barriss used to cover up her lie.

“You are having nightmares again?” She asked her a few days later when Barriss suddenly awoke finding the concerned Danni gently shaking her shoulder, “Is everything all right?”  
Barriss shook her head, taking a moment to wake up:

“No, but don’t worry, It is nothing, really.” She tried to reassure her new found friend knowing that this would not be the last time this happened. Her nightmares where there to stay and all she could do were to cope with it as good as possible. She could see that Danni was not convinced:  
“But just remember, when you are ready to talk about whatever is eating at you, just do so. I’ll close the shop, get something to drink and we will get through this.” She smiled then and reached up, gently letting her fingers run over Barriss’ cheek, making her almost jump at the sudden compassionate touch, “You are smart, a great person and I consider you a friend. And you are a great help in the shop too so that is the least I can do.” She grinned then, standing up, “I enjoy actually having a room-mate here. It was boring being alone.”

Barriss smiled and nodded, waiting for Danni to go back to her bedroom. After all that she went through this simple, unconditional friendliness and welcome made her worries almost fade away. She had something to do and someone to talk to and who quickly become a friend and someone she could trust. She once said how overrated trust would be but the difference she felt in her at this moment and back when she was full of anger about how the Jedi Order changed was striking. She was a different person now and the lack of a goal and anything that would be expected of her was liberating. It would not last, but in that night she felt free and safe for the first time in a very long time. She felt safe on the old couch in the small apartment, just starring at the celling in the middle of the night.

One week later it was the first time in her life that Barriss got drunk.

It was after a shopping trip. Danni convinced her, that she needed some new things to wear and dragged her into some of the nearby shopping districts where Barriss felt like she had to try every single piece of clothing on the planet. And most of them she either did not know how to wear or felt too embarrassed to even look at. But Danni insisted and threatened to use the pictures she made to set her up on a dating service so Barriss, after some token complaining, just decided to go with it. After all she knew that her friend was doing this to get her out of her introvert shell and she had to admit that it was working. She had fun, realizing that she never knew how it was to be a normal person and how it is to spend a normal day in the city with a friend. All her life it was training or meditating, learning and, as the time progressed, fighting. This was life in the Order for her and while she loved her Master she always admired how Ahsoka could be so much more carefree and unrestricted in the way she learned the same things she did. She started to realize what she was missing when she met her for the first time not yet realizing how much she felt drawn towards her outgoing and sincere friend. It was just as she felt now. She didn’t know how it was to have fun at all, how it was to just let go and to be a young woman out in the town with her friend. And how it was to live without some big expectations and goals laid out for her in the future. She paid greatly to be in this point in her life, but she still smiled and allowed herself to enjoy this occasion, while trying out something black that, even when she approved of the fact of it being closed up all the way to the neck, was way too tight on the chest to leave much to any ones imagination.

“You know, you are getting that one, right?” Danni grinned while sticking her head through the door of the small changing room Barriss was in, “Try that with this skirt. You wear it and you will not go three steps without being asked out on a date.”

“Stop it! I am not looking for a date.” Just saying it made Barriss laugh. It was so normal she really forget for a moment that her entire world has and still was crumbling around her. That was of no importance now and so she smiled taking the short, flared skirt while shoving Danni back out of the door. She could not help but think how much fun it could be if Ahsoka would have been there with them. She would have loved it. She could even see Luminara too. Sitting outside and waiting for her to present herself in whatever outrageous pieces of clothing she would be forced to try on next, pretending not to chuckle over her former students continued misfortune. She wondered if that would have happened if all of them would be normal people. Without the war and the Force and the eternal struggle between Dark and Light that kept tearing the galaxy apart, causing so much death and destruction. Without a force dead set to kill and destroy everyone and everything she ever believed into. Without her knowing that she would not be able to hide from this struggle forever.

Barriss wore both the black top and the skirt when the day turned into a night and their destination from shops into dance clubs she would have never dared to set foot into before. She always liked dancing, but that was different. She liked the artistic expression and even used her lightsaber as a dancing accessory but dancing in a crowd like this was completely new to her. But the difference quickly turned into something exciting, liberating and something that allowed her to let go like nothing before. Barriss remembered having thrown herself into it. She remembered having fun and talking not only with Danni, but with strangers too. She drunk and she allowed herself to join the crowd of young people populating the club. Dancing and having fun, with her sorrows and fears taking a back seat. Still present but ignored during this moments of happiness. And she could sense that she was not alone in her feelings. People she could sense around her did the same. They danced their worries away, letting go much more than they would have normally since in those times of turmoil and violent change everything could be over by tomorrow. And Barriss could sense that the Empire had no sympathies here. Despite what she might have thought reading and listening to the news and comments things looked different once she was in the middle of a crowd where she could sense and feel the free flow of emotions. She could feel it in the air, hear it out of snippets of conversations, feelings and thoughts. She could sense the fuse already being lit and the bomb set. The feeling was all around her, just waiting for the right person or situation to gain form and structure and to make itself known to the outside world.

She did not remember who she dragged to the dance floor when the words of her Master once again echoed through her mind:  
“Where ever there is tyranny, there will be rebellion”

It was there. She felt it through the minds of the people dancing and partying around her. They did it much more excessively than they would have otherwise. Not because of the war ending but because of another one about to start. It was the fear and uncertainty that drove people into the clubs. It was the unmistakable feeling that something was going to happen but no one knew what. It was the feeling that everything could end on the next day so that the night should not be wasted. It was the feeling that for at least a few hours in the night, all problems and hardships of the future would have to wait, making place for a blurry of lights, faces, bodies and deafening music that made the crowds dance and move like one organism, caught in timeless ecstasy and perpetual motion.

And Barriss was part of it. She was dancing, letting the exciting fever guide her steps and movements. Letting go, blanking out and joining the crowd in its goal to forget and to ignore the danger looming over them while subconsciously preparing for it. She opened her mind, let herself fall, drowning in the pulsing, primal life surrounding her. Forgetting who she was and what she lived through. Forgetting the world and feeling it clearer than she ever had at the same time. Seeing the Force itself move and get stronger around her, like it would be drawn to, focused and strengthened in this confusing nexus of life itself. She could see Ahsoka dancing with her before blanking out. She could see her arms around her, her body moving with hers, her smile entrancing and capturing her making the entire world shrink to their little spot on the dance floor. She could feel the touch and comfort it brought but knew that it was all just a dream after waking up in what she quickly recognized as Danni’s bedroom.

“What I don’t understand.” Danni was sitting across of her at their kitchen table on the next day, “Is how you managed to undress and fold your clothes so neatly after I dragged you back home last night … or rather this morning. You could not even stand.”

“Don’t ask me, I do not remember coming home.” Barriss drunk some of her tea, letting the hot beverage wake her still dulled senses up and hiding her rising fear that she did or said something last night that would have betrayed her true identity. But Danni did not seem to act any differently and all the worry she had never managed to take hold in her. It was like she would instinctively know that everything was still all right.

“I dropped you on the bed and leave you for a moment and when I come back you are all cuddled into my blanket and snoring.” Danni chuckled lightly pushing a few pieces of paper over to Barriss, “I found them on top of your clothing.”

“What is it?” Barriss looked at the scraps instantly regretting it, “Contact numbers?”

Danni nodded, gesturing towards her with her cup:  
“You actually also have lipstick on your neck. And it’s not mine for sure. Things might be a bit blurry, but I slept on the couch.”

Barriss froze looking at Danni who laughed out:  
“Don’t worry, its cute and whatever is eating you up … someday you might be ready to talk about it … but right now, just remember that letting go like this now and then is what keeps all of us sane.” She reached forward, carefully taking the cup out of Barriss’ hands, fearing that it might fall down “How old are you? Eighteen? Nineteen? Whatever was in the past will stay there, so stop thinking about what hurt you and instead have fun with whatever will make you smile.”

Barriss nodded slightly still trying to remember details of what happened last night. But instead of embarrassment she was filled with the memory of the force, moving through her, the feelings of the crowd and the foreshadowing vision she was given. Not trough pictures but through a moment of certainty filling her mind. There also was the picture of Ahsoka for once not rejecting or fighting her.

“You are right, I guess.” She made sure to hold on to the contact numbers not trusting Danni with them, “I will take a shower I think.”

“We need to do it again sometime.” Danni stood up placing the cups in the sink, “And you should show me sometimes what you are training every evening. I am not sure if it is some sort of expressionist dance routine or crazy assassin stuff, but it looks interesting and must have helped a lot with the moves you had on the dance floor. Really, if I would not like you so much, I think I would get jealous.” 

Barriss looked up suddenly feeling the fear rising in her. She did try to train her Soresu, adopting it to use without a lightsaber as much as she could:  
“What do you mean with crazy assassin stuff?” 

Danni waved her hands in response, making an exaggerated display of what would pass for martial arts in a very bad holo-movie:  
“That stuff, but I think it does look more like dancing.”

“It is a bit of both.” Barriss relaxed again, “But I am not sure you can do it if you are not Mirialan and lack the same sort of flexibility.”

“You are still going to show me some moves, girl.”

“Promised.” Barriss turned and walked to the bathroom. She knew already that Danni was guessing much more about her that she would share openly but would never admit to it openly. She was too observant and smart to let herself be deceived for long and if she would stay, she would have to tell her the truth eventually. 

Strangely the thought did not fill her with dread. She would have welcomed it but at the same time it would mean to make Danni part of the world she fled from. She knew that if she would tell her, she would stand by her and continue to be the friend she was already. And that was something she would not allow to happen.

Barriss smiled, closing her eyes when the hot water poured down her body. She would not bring the misery following her into her friend’s life.

“You are going to leave, aren’t you?” Danni asked her once, almost two months after she first came into the tattoo parlour she ended up working in. She did not sound surprised or angry. It was a statement that was obvious to both of them at this point even when it was the first time one of them mentioned it.

“Yes.” Barriss was on the bed, lying next to Danni and looking up towards the celling. The sweat still glistering on her flushed cheeks, “I can’t run away from my past forever.”

Danni reached up, gently running her fingers over Barriss’ cheek:  
“Just call when you find her.” She smiled softly placing her finger on Barriss’ lips to stop her before she could say anything, “You never told me about what you are running from or what happened that obviously caused you so much pain. And I never asked and I never cared. You only made some allusions to big mistakes you made and that the problems you are in, are at least partially your own fault. And I still don’t care, because I know you are sweet and caring and that if you do something wrong, you will stop at nothing to fix it again.”

Barriss stayed silent letting her friend continue:  
“And just from observing you I know that your heart is somewhere else, attached to some girl you think you have lost.”

Barriss never wanted to say Ahsokas name as much as in this moment. She wanted to tell Danni how it felt to lose everything and how it was to break down under the weight of guild and memory. She wanted to tell her what the Emperor has done to her and what she still saw in the nightmares haunting her dreams. She wanted to tell her who she was and what she did. She wanted to explain everything but remained silent.

“I don’t think you will find peace before you find her again and ask her to forgive you whatever you have done.” Danni moved her finger up, lightly poking Barriss’ forehead, “And you will figure out how to do it, because you are the smartest and most skilled person I have ever met and …” she moved her hand down, placing it gently above Barriss’ quickly beating heart, “And she will forgive you because you are also the most kind and compassionate person I know. Whatever you have done, it is the past now and whoever you have been back then, now you are better.” 

“You are not angry?” Barriss asked even when she could clearly feel the answer to her question.

“How could I ever be!” Danni smiled and pushed herself up and right on top of Barriss, straddling her and pushing her back into the pillow, “I will miss you greatly, true, but I know that you need to do it and that whatever happen, you can always come back here.” She leaned down, gently kissing Barriss on the lips, making all the racing thoughts and feelings in her mind stop instantly, calming her down and making her remember the advice her Master has given her:

“Trust the Force and to fallow your heart”

Barriss knew that wherever Luminara now was, she was smiling.

She left a few days later.


	6. Risk

Sneaking into the Jedi temple was a calculated risk Barriss felt she needed to take. She has been a bit surprised at first not having seen the temple being torn down but once she thought about it, it made more sense for the Empire to keep using it. Not only as a symbol of victory for the Emperor, but also because any real estate in the size of the temple was of nearly unmeasurable value on the overcrowded planet and, most prominently in her opinion, because the temple was home to one of the most complete galactic libraries and information gathering and processing sites. And she knew that the Emperor would have a great interest in those, either to gather information about any Jedi that might have escaped and because it represented an unmeasurable information pool about the galaxy as a whole. It was simple easier to use at least part of it instead of building something new.

It still hurt her even thinking about the soldiers passing through the halls and looking up to the silent statues of the old Masters. She wondered what they would have said about the Orders downfall if they could. Barriss was sure that it would be nothing kind and that she too could not expect anything but contempt and scolding from her ancestors in the long line of Jedi Masters. But she had to face the eyes of the statues one more time. There was only so far she could get with her refugee identity. Especially when the planetary security would become even tighter and when military checkpoints would start blocking off movement from and to the city. She needed a proper secret identity and sneaking right into the lion’s den was something she considered less risky than trying to buy it on the black market, even more so since she lacked the contacts to find the right person and the money to buy it. And being caught with such false papers would be far worse than without any. At least that was something she could explain away before anyone would decide to do some more comprehensive background check that would expose any story she could think of. And the power to suggest anyone to look away did not always work and would be suicidal if faced with one of the Emperors Inquisitors. And she had to expect to run into one sooner or later.

But the temple had all she needed. The Jedi often conducted covert missions and the need for those only increased during the war. The data-banks could easily provide her with any information and background she needed and the direct access to the imperial networks she expected to have been set up there would allow her to plant her background right into the correct spot as well. Not speaking of the printers to produce ID-cards and documents of any shape, quality or age, but she suspected those to be much more heavily guarded then any access to the library computers and the network itself would be.

It was a risk, but she had advantages too. She knew the building inside out. She memorized the layout of every corridor, room and maintenance shaft long ago. She knew the purpose of any room and what piece of equipment and information was stored where. She remembered exactly in what spot the bomb went off she send into the building in the body of a suicide bomber who agreed to sacrifice him-self in order for her to make the statement no one listened to in the end. But that was in the past. She became someone else over the curse of the past months. Stronger, more focused and now with a goal in mind that would bring her back into a position to play a part in the great game that shaped the galaxy. She was not sure if she wanted to. At least not before she could find Ahsoka and make amends her. That was the thing that was now driving her forward. Or until she would realize how futile the idea was and that she should rather stay in hiding knowing that if she would stay in the depths of Coruscant with Danni, she could be happy too. But the Force and every feeling in her body was telling her to move on and to try it. She could not stay away any longer. She was a trained Jedi Knight and not finding a way to use it to harm the Empire was like betraying her Master and best friend all over again. And it would be ignoring the hope and trust the nameless doctor has given her on her way once he has done everything he could.

She could see the high towers of the temple rising above the roofs of the buildings around as she sat in a small café, taking a moment to eat while scouting out the area and the traffic from and to the temple. She knew what she wanted to do and she had a plan on how to do it. She knew who she wanted to be as well. Ever since the moment in the club something woke up in her. A sense of duty and belonging and the memory of what it meant to be a Jedi. It did not matter to her that she has lost her rank and left the Order in disgrace. It was what she was born as and deep in her heart she felt that it was something she wanted to be. Her doubts were still there and the pain of her memories would never leave but instead of weighting her down she now felt like she would receive her strength from it. Danni was right. It was all in the past and she has grown because of it. Luminara was right as well. She has learned from the mistakes she made. She would not make them again.

It was the first time she has seen some of the Inquisitors too. She remembered vague images from the prison but the difference between the soldiers, the technicians and Empire officials and the Inquisitors was instantly obvious. Both because of their individual looks and their specially designed lightsabers but also because of the air of absolute authority they carried with them. Even from the distance she has seen them the danger they represented become clear to her. Not so much individually she more hoped then believed but they would always have the numerical advantage and the moment she was discovered, she was as good as dead anyway. But they would not get her, she thought after returning to the small flat she rented. Acquiring the imperial uniform was easy as was getting her hands on a R2 droid she needed to find the data she wanted. The Empire would not miss it. It had millions of those and the woman working in the Imperial Military Medical Corps she got the uniform from would, once she woke up feel the urge to leave imperial service and return to her parents. And the technician she stole the droid from already provided her with a new designation for it without ever remembering doing it. Or that it was the body of a fully equipped military grade astromech droid she took. The more often she used the Force the bigger the risk, but she did not see any other way:

“Have you managed to access all of the droids functions?” she asked after closing the door behind her. The R2 droid stood in the middle of the room with its round top taken off and the machinery partially dismantled. It still beeped a few times, repeating it once Barriss picked up a small headset with a holographic screen over her right eye.

“I am a medical droid, not a mechanic.” The translation said, “I can’t believe you put me into that sort of body after carrying me in your pocket for so long.”

Barriss walked up to it and picked up some tools already having an idea as to why the doctor who owned this droid before had deactivated it’s vocal processor:  
“You are welcome but I need to know if you can access everything and if you are going to help me fight the empire. I would rather like for you to agree with me before I try to program a restraining bolt.” She tightened some of the screws that hold the memory chip inside the droids body in place remembering how good Ahsoka was with this sort of work, “Besides being a medic and a mechanic theoretically has at least one part in common.”

The droid stayed quiet for a moment before again letting a series of sounds out that Barriss headset translated instantly:  
“I am a piece of property. I am not sure I have much to say in this. But I was once already saved from having my memory purged and I would like to avoid it.” It made a small pause again making Barriss wonder what kind of calculations it was doing, “I know what they did in the prison and it is against my programming to allow that.”

Barriss nodded. It made sense that the doctor has retrieved the droid from somewhere in the prison and it also made sense that he took one that he would be sure of would help him:  
“Please call me Aliya and run a diagnostic program so that I am sure that I did everything correct in connecting the memory chip to this body. Your new designation is DY-4, but I think it would have already been programmed into this body.”

“It is and the diagnostics indicate that the connection is stable and running within normal operational parameters.”

“Good” Barriss started to carefully put the top of the cylindrical droid back together, “But I also need to know if you can use the functions of it. I need to sort through big amounts of data and possibly disable or avoid security systems and system blockades.”

Again the droid stayed silent for a moment:  
“I am equipped to do this now and can access the necessary programs in this body’s hardware. I should be able to circumvent normal safety measures but trying to access high security systems has only a slim chance of success. I might again point out, that I am a medical droid, not an astromech.”

Barriss nodded again:  
“I understand. I hope that it will not be needed.”

She gave herself two more days to test the droid and to learn how to properly wear the uniform before finally entering the temple. The false identity she acquired with the uniform and then, with the help of the droid, adjusted to suit her needs would get her past the guard and make up and false tattoos would do the rest. She was sure of that, but she would need to be fast enough to put the rest of the data into the system before anyone would check it.

“You will see it will work out.” She heard a vision of Ahsoka speak next to her as she walked up the ramp towards the temples main entrance with the droid rolling silently behind her. She scolded herself for letting her mind play such tricks on her and welcomed it at the same time. It was comforting to hear it even when she knew it was her own imagination born out of the fact that she was conflicted about her ability to really get through with it. Especially with keeping her force presence hidden for the entire time she was in the temple, possibly even being in the same room as people specially trained to find Jedi and other Force-sensitives. She was behind enemy lines right now, smiling slightly, thinking that Ahsoka would have been better at this then her. She was the quick thinking one, able to come up with a plan on the spot and change it with the situation. Barriss was always the strategist, devising the long term plan of action. She had to admit, that she was not a good spy either. But her survival depended on her becoming one very quickly:

“Sergeant” She stepped up to the soldier at the checkpoint at the gates of the temple, answering his salute with a nod of her head just like she has seen other officers do while observing the temple in the past days.

“Please state you reason for entering the temple and sign this, Lieutenant.” She soldier hold a small pad towards her. The three others manning the checkpoint kept back staying at their posts, seemingly not paying much attention to her. But guessing that they are the same clone soldiers she fought with once, she was sure they did.

“Research and study assignment about treatment and prominent cases of post-traumatic stress during the clone wars on the side of the Jedi and Republic military, in order to further improve the training of clone soldiers. The droid is with me.” She said while letting the system check the identification card and service number she had prepared. The assignment sounded real enough to be accepted and the irony of using one of the reasons for her break down to further her goals did not escaped her at all. She only got to this point in her life because of it and the pain that followed. But where would she be instead? If things would have went differently and if she would not have broken under the constant strain the war has put on her mind and body. The image of herself being completely disintegrated by a walker tanks cannon blast when the order to turn on the Jedi was issued flashed through her mind while she kept her focused and calm eyes on the soldiers, not showing even a little bit of what was going on inside of her. At least her potential alternative self, seemed to have died so fast it was hard to tell if she ever realized what happened. Barriss found that thought somehow comforting.

“Thank you. Ma’am” The soldier saluted again and stepped back, letting her walk into the temple she left in disgrace. And now returning as some sort of rebel trying to take her first steps into fighting for the very people she betrayed and who sentenced her to death. She tried not to notice the barely covered up or still visible marks of battle still visible on the walls and statues.

“This went well for the start.” DYs comment appeared on the little screen of Barriss’ headset. It did not beeped as usually but sent the words through its direct link. Trusting into no one understanding a R2 droids usual way of communication was something Barriss did not wanted to do. She knew people who could and only acknowledged the comment with a nod, leading the way towards the next elevator, passing soldiers and technicians, droids and some people in civilian clothing that had the air of authority around them that marked them as those in charge. She did not see anyone who looked like one of the warrior-like Inquisitors and no one tried to stop her or paid her any special attention. There were enough people coming and going from the temple to make one new face and a droid not be anything out of the ordinary. It was just one officer more passing through on whatever task she has been given here.  
And no one would expect anyone to walk into the temple like this, right through the front door in broad daylight.

She passed more soldiers, saluted to a higher ranking officer passing her without really being noticed and took the next elevator to the library. It would provide her with an open terminal and give her a way to pretend she is working on the assignment she has stated to the guard. And she knew all the spots where she could sit in without being seen by anyone who would pass through. She used them a lot during her training, preferring a more secluded place where she could just sit down and read. She always read a lot. Much more than her Master ever told her too and often also more advanced texts then usually provided to Padawan students of her age. She never expected her skill to hide from nosy librarians to be one that might potentially safe her life. But the empire might still have changed parts of the system she knew so well and installed safeguards. She would have been lost on how to defeat those, but that was where DY would come in:  
“The imperials are not that big on security systems once you are attached to an interface.” DY plugged itself into the workstation Barriss has found both unoccupied and out of the way.

“Can you access the personal files of the military and the civilian files in the senate?” she typed not daring to speak.

“Yes, I am seeding the identities now. It will take a few minutes to circumvent all the safeguards that are in place there but most of them are still using the same systems the Republic did. The programs to create false identities are there too.”

Barriss nodded while searching the files for any signs as to who of the Jedi might still be alive. DY would protect her there so the system would not notice any strange search terms being entered into it:  
“Once you are done, put me on the list to work in the senate building. It would be best somewhere in data processing with access to information and communication traffic.”

“Acknowledged. Which Identity?”

Barriss thought for a moment before typing her response:  
“Aliya”

Even in such a giant city like Coruscant, she still thought that it might be better to be only known with one identity. It would be awkward at best and dangerous at worse to try to explain different names and even when she manages to get all the false identities she wanted, she would still only have a very limited supply of them. She wanted to type more she noticed someone coming close and looked up. It was a Mirialan woman roughly her age with a bag over her shoulder, wearing a soft and comfortable training outfit and with a lightsaber on her belt. If not for the different tattoos and her longer, slightly narrower face, she would almost look like her. The biggest difference were however her yellow, piercing eyes.  
Barriss shot to her feet, closing the window where she was looking up information about possibly survived Jedi and saluted:

“My apologies, Ma’am” She stood at attention with her chair lightly rocking behind her as it was pushed away a little bit too fast, “I have not expected anyone to be here.”

The Inquisitor nodded, smiling and obviously thinking that she has surprised and startled her:  
“No problem at all. I get that a lot.”


	7. Inquisition

“It is so rare to see another Mirialan here.” The Inquisitor put her bag down, looking Barriss up and down, “At ease, Lieutenant.”

“Thank you Ma’am” Barriss’ thoughts raced while she kept her face straight, hiding her emotions under a thin layer of unease and surprise she allowed herself to feel mostly for the Inquisitors benefit. She would feel it too and assume that Barriss was nothing more than a normal soldier nervous in the presence of one of Emperors highest ranking and dangerous servants. At least this was what she hoped for.

“What is your name and what is it you are working at?” The Inquisitors voice was slightly raspy and at the same time somehow friendly without losing any of the demanding tone to it. She was clearly used to have everything she asks for given to her without question and any of her commands followed.

“Lieutenant Giaa Luinda” Barriss answered without hesitation stating the name she gave at the entrance, hoping that DY has already put the correct data into the Imperial data-banks, “Assigned to the main clone medical facility at Kamino. Currently, I am on a study and research assignment about treatment and prominent cases of post-traumatic stress during the clone wars on the side of the Jedi and Republic military, in order to further improve the training of the next generation of soldiers for the Empire, Ma’am.”

She grabbed the chair behind her, moving it a bit to the side wanting it to be out of the way. Both to stop it poking into her leg and because it would be in the way should she have to act quickly. No matter if this would be running or fighting.

“I see.” The Inquisitor still seemed relaxed and did not show any signs of feeling anything suspicious about the officer in front of her, “Look up Umbara and Pong Krell then. And Barriss Offee since you are on it already. It is a shame they got themselves killed so stupidly.”

“Yes, Ma’am”

DY beeped in response as well, already displaying the files on Barriss’ screen as the Inquisitor walked around the table to look at it:  
“But why here? You could have accessed the data at Kamino too. Or in any other base”

Barriss did not hesitate again:  
“I was already on Coruscant and wanted to see the Jedi temple, Ma’am.”

“Ah, sightseeing” The Inquisitor laughed quietly. Her raspy voice sounding like it would only be used to do this as a way to intimidate or unnerve others, rather than as a genuine expression even when to Barriss it seemed to be exactly this at this moment “Come with me then, Giaa, I hope you don’t mind when I call you that.”

Barriss stood still for a moment trying to come up with a reply or any reason that would allow her to reject this invitation. Once again she thought about how Ahsoka was so much better in this sort of situations:  
“No, Ma’am, it is fine, but. Where are we going? I really need to finish my assignment and the droid was given to me for it for only a limited time. I really want to make the best use of it now.”

“You will see.” The woman did not react to Barriss’ objections and simply put her bag on the table, “Your droid can look after this for a moment.” She pointed at Barriss before turning and walking towards the next elevators, “Follow me. You will like it.”

Barriss looked briefly to DY as the droid beeped reassuringly. She really did not have any other choice since anything but following the Inquisitor would potentially draw attention to her and only give the woman reason to look more closely into her. It was a risk she had to take and use the little bit of time she would have until she would see where they are going to decide on what to do. For a moment she considered to attack the Inquisitor while her back was turned to her, but even when she was alone in this part of the library, she would not stay this for long if a fight broke out. And any attention she drawn to her meant death or worse. They would drag her back to the prison she escaped from and this time, they would not give her the opportunity to try to kill her-self again:  
“Finish the work and keep an eye on this bag.”

She followed the Inquisitor, taking the headset she used to communicate with DY off and putting it into a pocket of her uniform jacket. She did not want to risk it being damaged and the droid could not help her now anyway. She had to put her trust into it now even more then before but so far DY has followed her instructions and did not show any particular personality or programming traits that have been problematic. It seemed to her that for whatever reason, the droid was a much better spy then she was. And the various programs to help with this it gained through its new body only made it more apparent.

“You will like the view and it is really a once in a lifetime opportunity given that more sooner than later, someone is going to take over this place.” The Inquisitor let her step into the elevator and then pressed the button for the top floor of the temple, “This area is usually off limits but right now, there is no one there and it is not like anyone could stop me, right?”

“Yes, Ma’am” Barriss already knew that their destination was the meeting chamber of the Jedi council but kept the façade of slight unease and curiosity up as good as she could.  
“Relax, Giaa. I am not going to bite your head off there.” The woman chuckled, leaning over to her, “Despite what they tell about us, we are not all doom and gloom and kill on sight because someone looked at us wrong. That reputation helps, sure, but it is not like we would not have free time too.” She placed a hand on Barriss shoulder, giving her a light squeeze, “If you want to look for sticks up peoples asses, then the Jedi have been a much, much better example.”

Barriss felt something jump and then snap in her but kept her face and feelings straight and focused:  
“Yes, Ma’am … I mean, sorry, Ma’am. I will relax.” The close proximity to the Inquisitor started to become tasking to her, making it more and more of a problem to hide her connection to the Force. The Inquisitor was too close and she could feel the woman’s aggressive feelings intruding on her own. Part of her wanted to scream to make it stop and another part whispered to her to attack as long as surprise was on her side. Every bit of her plan relayed on avoiding the Inquisitors and now she was right next to one, riding up an elevator that would bring them into another relatively small room with no way to flee from. And she had no excuse to do so and would need to keep her façade up for as long as it would take.

“You are funny, Giaa.” The Inquisitor stepped out of the door not looking around to see if Barriss would follow. She quickly crossed the corridor and pushed the doors open stepping into the chamber like it would be the most normal thing to do for her, “You can call me Yezka by the way.”

“Yes, Ma’am” Barriss followed more slowly feeling the pain this room was causing her. It was the central meeting place of the council. It was the very centre of the Order where all the big decisions and discussions happened. The council has gathered there to discuss Ahsokas fate, taking the decision to expel her from the order, when she found herself framed for the attack Barriss did and later they must have been sitting here to discuss the accusations made in court. The Masters must have talked about it and then rejected it choosing to remain blind to what Barriss considered to be the obvious signs of corruption and downfall that would come sooner than anyone could have expected.

But the view from the top of the tower was amazing. The temple was already on the very top level of Coruscant and was a tall structure in itself. And the windows on each side of the chamber offered a nearly undisturbed view of the surrounding skyline including the giant, mushroom like dome of the senate building some way away:  
“It is beautiful” she said, stepping into the middle of the room and turning around like she would be unsure about what window to see through first. In truth she wanted to see the room. The chairs, each individual for every Master who would attend a meeting and the lightsaber marks still present from the fighting that seemed to have happened in the room. She did not expect this being more focused on her own past, Ahsoka and on keeping her feelings from giving her away to the Inquisitor. But she still felt a special dread forming in her mind. Something terrible happened in this room. It was an even worse feeling than anywhere else in the temple. She forced herself not to tremble even when Yezka stepped up behind her:  
“You are feeling it right?”

“What do you mean?” Barriss bit her tongue for forgetting to add the ‘ma’am’ at the end, but Yezka did not seem to mind:  
“You are force sensitive. I just wanted to show you this view but I felt it in the elevator. I am trained to feel such things after all.”

Barriss turned around watching Yezka closely, but the Inquisitor did not seem to do anything threatening or feel more the curiosity and eager anticipation:  
“You are lucky it was not discovered, but now that the Jedi are gone, I will be happy to show you what you can really do with those abilities. No matter how strong, the Inquisitors will have some use for you and really, there is nothing better.”

“I’d rather stay in medical service.” Barriss stepped back a little. Yezka seemed to have picked up on her connection to the force, but her ability to hide it still prevented her from recognizing who Barriss really was. Or she was not yet trained and experienced enough to see through the veil Barriss put over her mind.

“No need to be afraid.” Yezka took her lightsaber from her belt and held it in front of her without activating it, “It is an opportunity and now that I know of this, you will be reassigned to us unless you can come up with something that I would really want from you that would give me an advantage over the others.”

“Blackmail?” Barriss looked to the lightsaber and then up to Yezkas piercing eyes again.

“You can call it that, yes.” The Inquisitor shrugged, “I am sure I can show you how to use the Dark Side on my own much better than our trainers do. They don’t let us move forward as fast as we should and I know that they are not showing us everything. Join me, Giaa, and we are going to show them! The Emperor will be proud and grant us positions at his side!”

Barriss kept her distance looking at the young Inquisitor:  
“If I do …” she stepped closer after a moment, raising her hand towards the weapon Yezka was still holding in front of her, “… will I get one like this too?”

Yezka nodded activating the lightsaber, filling the room with a red glow:  
“Grab it. Come on, feel its power. Imagine what you could do with it.”

Barriss stared at the weapon in front of her for a moment before extending her hand further, closing her fingers around the handle. The weapons red energy blade humming quietly, promising the power the Dark Side would offer anyone who embraced it. She could feel it and she could hear the screams of those who died in this building and across the galaxy because of it. She could see herself wielding it and fighting those who did. She knew what she had to do even before seeing the children who hid in this room during the attack and who came out not realizing that it wasn’t Anakin Skywalker who entered the room. It was already Darth Vader.

“Yes, I can feel it.” Barriss held the lightsaber together with Yezka in silence. She breathed out, focused, thought about everything she still wanted to do with her life and the promises she has given herself. She thought about the nameless doctor, Luminara, Danni and Ahsoka, seeing their faces drift around her, nodding to her, trusting her in her decision and she saw the Emperor. He was screaming in terror, defeated and falling down towards his doom.

It was another possible future.

It would be a good future, she thought as she moved her body forward suddenly, keeping the lightsaber away from her while using her other hand to break Yezkas nose, making the surprised and stunned Inquisitor stagger backwards. 

Barriss never allowed her to regain the initiative and ripped the lightsaber right out of her grip, letting it fly behind her while pushing Yezka backwards and right on Yoda’s old chair. The woman raised her hands trying to defend herself, but Barriss was stronger and already on her. She was pressing her into the chair, hitting her throat with her fist and then pressing a hand on Yezkas mouth while using the other to keep the struggling woman down. Yezka caught and trashed, trying to catch some air, but Barriss was relentless, pushing her deeper into the chair, using the Force to keep the already choking and increasingly panicked woman from catching air. She kept pressing, not letting Yezkas lungs any chance to inhale again. She was always a strong telekinetic and pressing someone’s chest together was much easier then hurling giant rocks or holding up the roof of an entire building like she did once with her Master. She ignored the trashing legs, the hits of Yezkas fists on her arms and back and the painful moans each time the Inquisitor tried to breath or free her-self from the deadly position. She just continued. Quiet and focused. Patiently waiting until the trashing turned to twitching and the twitching finally stopped. She only let go after feeling the lifeless body under her slipping to the floor, with her eyes staring forward and a look of pain, confusion and surprise on her motionless face.

Barriss stood up. She was panting and shivering, opening and closing her fists unable to focus again for a few long moments. She has taken another life and it was almost as easy as beating up the two men down in the corridors in her first day out on her own. And other then at this time she was now back in full strength and took up her training again working her way up to her former levels of speed, strength and endurance. She felt like throwing up, but forced the dread and shame back. She could not let herself fall into misery again. Not over Yezkas death even when she knew that her lifeless eyes will never stop haunting in her mind. This was not like she wanted it to be. She was a healer, not a killer.

“You forget something.” The illusion of Ahsoka idly circled the room, “It does not matter much if it is a bomb or your bare hands. Dead is dead and she knew the risk of her work as much as you do. And neither she nor your earlier victims actually saw it coming.”

Barriss knew it was her own conscience speaking and that it was just a self defence mechanism of her mind to put the words into this sort of vision:  
“The war is still going on. It started long before anyone could remember and will continue long after everything here is forgotten and it does not matter if you want to fight in it or not. You have been born and destined to do so. The only thing you can do is to choose the side and you know very well that in this case, neutrality is an illusion.”

She nodded as the illusionary Ahsoka disappeared, the moment of weakness passing. She reached down and gently closed Yezkas eyes quietly wishing her better fortune in her next life then she had in this and that it would be her who could become Luminaras student then, taking her place and learning to become a better person then Barriss felt she herself has become. The young woman lying on the floor has been her enemy and not strong or experienced enough to stand a chance against such a surprise attack but Barriss only felt compassion and mercy towards her. She did not felt any hate and the feelings and whisperings of the Dark Side she has felt rising in her before did not appear this time.

It was only after she realized that no alarms went off and that she did not heard the sound of armoured boots running towards her that she remembered to activate the headset again:  
“DY, we have a problem.”


	8. Friendship

“You killed the Inquisitor.” The droids text message appeared without delay on the small screen on Barriss headset.

“How do you know?” She was taken by surprise, but still quickly crossed the room to get the discarded lightsaber. She looked at it considering for a moment if she should try to jump out of the window or if it would be better to risk a senseless last stand against the inevitable attack of the clone soldiers and who knows how many Inquisitors still present in the building. It the end she put it on the chair Yezkas body was leaning against.

“It has been an educated guess.” The droid replayed, “I calculated the chances of it ending like this and manipulated the security feed from the moment on you two met. As far as the security is concerned, the Inquisitor entered the elevator alone. Besides, the security system up in the chamber you went to has already been inactive.”

Barriss looked around not sure what she would be looking for. There was no reason she could think of for why the security cameras would be turned off or why she should have so much luck for some reason. But at least she gained the time needed to figure out what to do next:  
“Why would anyone turn it off?”

“I do not know and I do not want or possess enough data to guess.”

Barriss sighted. There was not much up here she could use for anything. Just the chamber she was in, some side rooms used for private meditations or meetings and one for storing all the different chairs the different Masters would be using. Nothing that would come up to her as something immediately useful in any attempt to escape:  
“Anyway, get her bag to me and I will send you instructions to where you can find a box big enough so I can hide the body. Try not to be seen and make sure that the system still thinks that Lieutenant Giaa is working on her assignment.”

“I can also bring you tea and lunch if I am on it and maybe wash your laundry.”

“Don’t be snarky, DY and just do it.” Barriss shook her head focusing her mind again. Calming her-self down and freeing her mind like she was thought to do it. She needed to think clearly and let herself be guided by the Force. It would not abandon her. She would trust it as much as she would trust herself since whatever part of her mind it was that made her see Ahsoka and that made her hear the words she spoke, that part of her was true. This was what she needed to accept: that she is and always will be a Jedi Knight and that she will always fight and do what she thinks is right. And that her side was the side of the Light. No one could make her change this any more.

And DY seemed to have taken it on it to solve at least some of her other problems:  
“I brought you some ration bars. It is not much for lunch but I calculated that you would need some. Despite my predisposition for clandestine operations, I am still a medical droid and as such, I will take care of you.” It opened one of the many compartments on its cylindrical body, letting Barriss take the bars before moving on to get the big hovering ox it dragged behind it to where Barriss hid Yezkas body, “What also means that even without medical sensors I can see that I should have a look at your left hand. The way you move it shows, that you must have hurt it and since the Inquisitors nose seem to have been broken, I assume that I also know how it happened.”

Barriss looked down at her hand that already started to turn into a deeper shade of yellow. She had not noticed anything until now but suddenly could feel the dull pain radiating from it:  
“I don’t think anything is broken.” She flexed her fingers quietly gasping at the sudden sting running up her arm the moment she moved her fingers, “Thank you for the bar. I hope you did not have any problems in finding the crate.”

DY lowered the crate down and used one of its retractable manipulator arms to open it:  
“No, the second of the rooms you told me to look in had what you needed. The first one seem to now be used as storage for floor cleaning equipment.”

Ignoring her hand for now Barriss knelt down and pulled Yezkas body up and over the side of the crate. It was not easy, but she quickly managed to get her inside:  
“I need to know if there are still speeders in the hangar, DY.”

The droid beeped a few times and then turned to find the next computer access terminal. Barriss on the other hand opened the Inquisitors bag, retrieving a strange looking, pointed helmet with a completely closed face plate and a black uniform. She already had a plan on how to get the body out of the building but finding those would made what she thought of much easier. After all as long as she would keep the face plate closed and did not run into anyone who would know Yezka personally, she could easily pretend to be her. Especially towards the clone troopers who would almost automatically follow her commands:

“When you are done, get back to the library and stay at the terminal pretending to collect data. You are a medical droid so you know what Giaa would be looking for.”

“And you?” appeared on her headset.

“I take care of the body and make sure there is a false trail for them to follow once they figure out that Yezka went missing.” Speaking the name made Barriss quietly apology again for not letting the young Inquisitor have any dignity in how her body would be treated. But she had no other choice:

“You sit tight and don’t take any risks. I get you out of here tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?!” DYs answer appeared instantly even including the exclamation marks, “They will find me and get every bit of data out of my head before reprogramming me into a real R2 unit! That would be horrible and I don’t want that to happen.” 

“It has to look perfectly normal, okay? No, no one will find you here.” Ignoring the still present pain in her hand Barriss quickly slipped out of her uniform and into the tight, black clothing of an Inquisitor, “No one pays any attention to R2s and you can download any information you want from the data-banks as long as you cover your tracks. I will also need anything about data processing and information gathering and … network administration and really anything I would need to know when going for the job I asked you to get me earlier. “, she struggled to get the boots on, “… sneak in something about Giaa leaving in a few hours. Maybe after a shift change so no one will notice the extra line in the entry and exit log.”

“And maybe print out and retrieve the false documents too?”

“If you can, that would be good. But I think I can forget about those now. Trying to get them would be too time consuming and dangerous.”

DY stayed quiet for a moment:  
“That was sarcasm by the way.”

Barriss lifted the helmet looking at it from all directions to figure out how to wear it properly:  
“Sorry, I did not catch that but yes, I guess … as I said, that would be too dangerous.”

DY rolled out again and towards the elevator to get back down to the library:  
“There are speeders in the garage and you come back for me first thing in the morning, right?”

Barriss checked her reflection in a window, quickly making some last adjustments to the uniform:  
“First thing in the morning, I promise. Keep quiet and stay out of trouble.”

She waited for a few minutes, taking the time to focus on her hand, easing the pain but not daring to openly use her Force-healing on it. Yezka might not have been the only Inquisitor in the building and even when it was a very large complex, she did not wanted to try out how good the others might be at sensing her. They would have already sensed that something was off because of the fight and adding anything else would be a risk Barriss was not willing to take.

With some reluctance, she hooked the lightsaber on her belt and activated the anti-gravitation system of the crate, pulling it out of the room and into the elevator.  
No one stopped her. She avoided the most obviously crowded areas but quickly decided that having at least some people see her leaving with a mysterious crate would help her purpose. Whatever security the Empire would send to look for Yezka would not have any reason to look too closely at the temple. They would fallow her trail and try to figure out where she went after leaving it. So even when she arrived in the hangar, she did nothing to conceal herself from the guards and simply hoisted the crate into one of the larger planetary speeders and then walked up to the next soldier:  
“Open the hangar door.” She tried to sound demanding letting the helmet obscure her voice into a raspy, mechanical tone.

“Yes Ma’am , you need to ….” The soldier hold up the pad so she could sign herself out but instead of going for it she grabbed the soldiers armour, pulling him down to her eye level without letting him finish the sentence:  
“Do I look like I care for that, trooper? Now get out of my way and go shove that pad into whoever cares about that ass, understood?”

“Yes, Ma’am. Understood, Ma’am!” The soldier saluted and hurried away, letting Barriss have a moment to calm down again. Screaming at the soldier like that has felt strange but also liberating to a small extend. She was focused and calm and almost felt like at the time she followed and deeply believed into the teachings of the Jedi. But she also had to admit, that there was a lot of tension build up in her that needed to get out one way or another. Trying to move with confidence and with the same air of superiority as Yezka did was taxing. Especially while pulling a crate with a dead Inquisitor in it right through an Imperial base.

She returned to her speeder and turned the engine on, giving the soldiers a moment to open the gate fully, before flying out without any obvious hurry. She had to smirk realizing that the feelings she could see in the guards showed not only confusion about her behaviour and uncertainty about what exactly they should be doing now, but also that her suggestion about what to do with the pad was one, they found both amusing and something they would actually like to do to their superior officer.

More important than that, it made sure they would remember her leaving. 

Her next stop, almost one hour later was the outskirts of one of the planets giant industrial areas. She left the main airways and descended between the factories, going slower, making sure not to be seen or followed, before going even deeper. She hid the speeder and went on, on food, towing the crate with Yezkas body behind her as she slid and jumped down the various pipes and tubes, going as deep into the almost nightmarish and chaotic mechanical heart of the city as she dared. It wasn’t something she was sure of was a good idea, but she read enough about the city to know, that getting rid of a body here would not be too hard. Most people still failed because they panicked or thought that simply throwing it into the next chasm between buildings was enough. They never took into consideration that the police knew this as well and that the detectives would look at such obvious places first. People faced with her problem rarely had the presence of mind and physical ability to go all the way down. To the dark places where the the dirt and waste from the city sinks to and where all the various strange and often dangerous lifeforms hide that get accidentally or deliberately carried to the planet on board one of the countless spaceships that arrive in any given moment.  
“I am really sorry, Yezka.” She whispered not daring to do too much of a sound and then grabbed the side of the crate and turned it over, letting the body slide out and fall into the darkness in front of her. A few moments later she heard the splash as it hit the oily surface of whatever fluid has assembled below. She let the crate follow and then looked up. It took her more than an hour to get this far down and she would need more than that to find her way back up.

And she felt that she was getting very tired.

Her mind was free and focused. She felt at peace and sure of herself again, but her body did not yet had the endurance she had once. She would need rest soon, but she still wanted to do a few things in order to place a false trail for the Empires agents who would be send out to find out Yezkas whereabouts. The Empire would not take kindly to deserters and Barriss was sure to try to make them think exactly this about what the young Mirialan has done. Maybe history would remember her as someone who left before she would have done something bad in the name of a system Barriss was already sure would fall eventually. Maybe history would remember her better than it would remember her.

Her next stop was a shady area around one of the space-ports. She could see some police there and the usual small groups of bounty hunters, gathered in bars with walls dedicated to the latest security news and displays of fugitives sought by the Empire. She could see lots of activity too and, after stealing a long, hooded coat, she allowed herself a moment rest in one of the dirty and dark bars surrounding the area. She needed to sit down for a moment to catch her breath after her almost frantic level of both mental and physical activity since she entered the Jedi temple earlier on the day. She needed at least one moment of rest and she also wanted to be noticed. The imperial markings on her outfit would be hidden by the coat, but the distinctive shape of her helmet would be a good give away even when it was covered by the coats hood. And it would be easily remembered by anyone the Empires agents would pay or pressure to do so.

She did not wanted to make it too obvious but still forced herself to do several more short appearances around the space port, before finally vanishing between the various ships that she found looked like smuggling vessels. Anyone looking for her would easily come to the conclusion that she left the planet and with every moment longer that Yezkas absence would not be discovered, the amount of ships and destinations she could have taken grew. And the more it grew the less attention the Jedi temple would be getting.

It was a giant risk she felt she was taking but at the same time she knew that it would have been an even bigger risk if she has decided to do nothing. And she still needed to go back there to rescue DY who she hoped would stick to the library and just pretend to be collecting data for some young officer who would be back tomorrow for it. The less attention the temple got from the Empires security the easier it would be for her to get the droid back to safety.

Barriss just hoped it would work out this way. She could imagine a thousand ways for it to go wrong and her mind drifted from one possibility to another on its own. It made her want to plan for all eventualities again filling her mind with thoughts of inevitable doom and disaster.

But she was different now. Even short time ago, all those thoughts in her racing mine would have broken her and made her descend into doubt and self-pity again. Especially the thoughts that wanted to make her belief that she has abandoned DY and that she should not trust the droid the way she did now. About how bad of an idea it was to leave it right in the middle of what has become a base of the Empires military. And about how it was even worse for her to have to get back there now.

All those thoughts however represented her old self. Not the one she was now and the one she has grown into. Not the one who was focused and calm and knew who she was and what she wanted to be. Not the one who would accept the reality around her and who would not give in into the feelings of loss and hatred.

She felt complete again. She still felt tainted by the Dark Side and was still able to feel it in her but she was not any more fearing to fall to it. It had no power over her any more and she was ready to take any risk to save someone she considered a friend. Be it droid or not. The risk it was taking was the same as she did and she already knew that they would from now on follow this road together.

Barriss smiled when the speeder she was waiting for landed nearby. She waited for a few moments longer to be sure that Danni came alone and that no one was following her.  
“So much for not involving her in my life.” she thought as she left her hiding spot in the shadows and quickly walked over to the landed speeder:  
“I am so sorry for getting you into this.” Barriss put the bag with her uniform and Yezkas helmet into the back seat when Danni opened the door, “I would not have called you if I would not be sure that it is all safe and you are in no danger.”

Danni just waved her hand and gave her a short and, for Barriss, surprising hug:  
“Like I would care about such things. I already figured you had trouble with the Empire but I fully trust you to be too smart to let yourself get caught.” She stepped back, pulling the coat to the side to have a look at the uniform Barriss was still wearing underneath, “I can see why you need a change of clothing. I mean, it is not that bad, but the imperial signs are a bit of a problem.”

“It is a disguise. I needed it to get out.” She felt the regret over what she had to do to get it move over her mind and again sent a silent apology towards wherever Yezka would be now.

“Extra clothing is in the backpack on the back seat, so jump in and let’s go.”

Barriss nodded and quickly climbed into the speeder:  
“Did you bring the sandwiches? I only had some ration bars for the entire day.”

“Front pocket. Does ration bars taste as bad as they sound?” Danni started the speeder again and let it fly towards the upper levels and into the stream of vehicles leaving this part of the city while Barriss struggled on the back seat to get out of the uniform and back into civilian clothing. She felt tired and hungry but also relieved and happy. Her well thought out plan to enter the temple and get what she wanted has mostly failed but so far she seemed to have eluded the Empire and escaped once again. And with a bit of luck, DY would even have done everything she originally hoped for achieving there. Part of her wanted to celebrate this but she knew that rather than that, she would spend the next days with careful evaluation of every single moment of this day to see what went wrong and what not. She would not get overconfident and let this first success go to her head:  
“They are not that bad once you get used to them. And they are nutritious.”

Danni carefully joined the ongoing traffic, letting some larger vehicles pass through first:  
“And I have fast food and noodles so don’t dare to say anything else then you wanting to get home with me now.”

“I would need to get out early in morning tomorrow.” Barriss struggled awkwardly, pulling the soft, blue pants up, “I left a droid in a potentially dangerous place and I will need to get it out again.”

“Just say when you need a lift or need me to help you get away fast.” Danni smirked watching Barriss relax on the back seat already guessing that she must have been in a lot of stress over the previous hours or even days, “You soooooo need to tell me all about that.”

“Promised” Barriss closed her eyes for a moment. It felt good saying this. It came out naturally and without hesitation. And it was the truth and felt as good to her as the certainty to have friends again. That there was someone she could trust and that this time she would never do anything again to break this trust. She smiled and leaned back on the seat.

Barriss fell asleep only a few seconds later


	9. Epilogue

Four months later senator Bail Organa of Alderaan received an unexpected message. It was already late in the night and almost all of the others have long left for their homes. It was a strange message that did not looked like anything really destined to him and more like a misplaced maintenance log that would for some reason has been routed to him.  
But it could not be one as the address was without any doubt his and instead of any log files it included a text: 

Dear Senator Organa,

You do not know me and I only know you based on your reputation. It is also very unlikely that we will ever meet. It might be better this way and safer for both of us given the current situation in the Galaxy.

I know that you have always fought for the Republic, democracy and for the ideals of a Senate and Government that serve the people it was elected to rule.  
And I know that you tried what you could to resist the rise of the Empire. And that you have never been afraid of taking risks in fighting for what you believe as true.  
You have also always been a friend of the Jedi.

I know that the secret police of the Empire has targeted you already. But so far they can’t act yet as you are too prominent and too well known to simply die or vanish. But they can move against those close to you and your allies. Tomorrow you will get another message from me with detailed information about several agents of the Empire placed close to a few of those that are still in the Senate, loyal to the Republic and in contact with you.

I don’t know if those agents have been forced to work for the Empire or if they joined willingly. But the fact remains that they are there and that any information you send to your friends might be compromised and anything you receive from them might include misinformation planted there to compromise your name or to lure you into a trap.  
From where I am, I can’t do much to fight the Empire but I can still provide Information from inside the Imperial administration for as long as my activities remain undiscovered.  
I will do what I can to help fighting the Empire and have set up this secure account so that I can communicate with you. 

I will also be honest with you. Eventually I will ask for your help. I am looking for someone I lost and who I would like to see at least one more time. I might find this person myself from where I am now but I feel that I will need an outside person to help in setting up a meeting. I do not mention this as a price for my help. I will assist in any way I can even when you say no to my request for help in return. I mention this because of its personal importance to me and because I do not want to make it appear out of the blue when the time comes for me to ask for your assistance.

Of course you do not have any reason to believe that this is not some elaborate plot of the secret police. I hope that once you and those you trust have received and reviewed my information, you will have all reason to trust my honesty. 

I will keep this account active for two weeks and make it vanish in case you choose not to answer. Please do not attempt to follow it back. It would be futile.

Where ever there is Tyranny there will be Rebellion  
Y.

 

One week later senator Organa answered:

Yes, I will help. Your information proofed to be correct.

I am looking forward to hear from you again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> Please comment, give feedback or ask questions if you have any.


End file.
